Luckily, the "I don't like you" maneuver (sp?) works like a charm in such situations. So I've had a generally very laid-back day, punctated with naps when sitting around got to be a bit too strenuous.

So, a bit ago I'm dreaming -- and I'll spare y'all the particular details of the dream, because that bit's irrelevant -- and, long and short of it, this particular dream freaked me right out the fuck out. Not quite in a nightmarish sort of way, but really kinda close. But get this: it was kinda like a nightmare in which I was the monster.

And I don't mean in any kind of cool way, where I and my friends get to be immortal vampires or something, or even just where I'm a rambo-like gun fanatic who's just gunning people down left and right -- I mean potentially, I could see either one of those dreams not being so bad, depending on my dream-point-of-view ...

But ya know how, in order for it to be a nightmare, there usually has to be some truly scary aspect to it? Well, this one kinda had that. And the fear in the dream was attached to a monster-like individual. And I say monster-like because, in a nightmare, how may we easily identify the person/persons generating all the fear? Well, for one, we usually don't have the ability to understand/predict/reason with the "monster". If we could do any of those, their horribleness would be diminished. And their horribleness is attested to by the second criteria: The dreamer, and everyone in the dream sympathetic with the dreamer, would feel much, much better if "monster" wasn't around.

Right, imagine a dream where you're that kind of a monster -- essentially, you and yours cannot comprehend/predict/change you, and would heave a collective sigh of relief if you could not be around.

Um. If this is all making sense to anyone at all, I'd be glad to know it.

Anyway, it still gets worse. Yes, still. Because: Imagine if the others in the dream were all your beloved family and friends. And imagine that, for some reason, you are a child in this dream.

Essentially, dream yourself as helplessly being the Bad Seed or Damien or any of those other variety of monstrous children, who had no understanding of how truly monstrous they were. Except you do know how monstrous you are, you just can't help it!

So yah. Fun stuff. Oh, and I hadn't even gotten to the point of this dream that truly freaked me out: As bad as the dream was ... ya know how, usually if you awaken from a pleasant dream, you're kind of relieved, because you're all, "whew. glad that wasnt really happening"? Well, I had a little bit of that. But only a little, because...

Really, the first thing I thought once I woke up?

"Holy Christ. How could I forget having felt that."

Somehow, in my recalling of my childhood, I at some point dropped the detail that I occasionally scared the living shit out of the people around me. Without meaning or wanting to.