But leaving pedestals aside -- my mom is absolutely the coolest woman I, personally, have ever known. And I've known a lot of very cool ladies.

Because I was thinking about it -- I was in kind of a funk when I wrote the entry about not likin nothin'. It was a funk because the only way out of my own cynical perspective that I could imagine would be my friends... who, by and large, tend to be more cynical by far. Like, if I'm just finding out the world is ending, they're wondering what rock I've been hiding under...

So I was thinkin, who or what would cheer me up? Easy enough, being a straight guy, to think of some female company. But the funniest thing -- I actually was having a hard time at that moment thinking of any women who might particularly cheer me up or ... I don't know, cheer wasn't the point. More like, I could imagine anyone who could, in a sense, open my eyes to the light that my own darkness had begun to cloud over.

I mean, not particularly an emotional or intellectual thing ... more like a combination of the two. Really, it's being able to understand where I am and what's bugging me, well enough to enlighten me as to their view on it. And rarely are things as bleak as we can paint in our own worse doubts.

So, thinking along those lines, where did I end up? With my Ma. She really is the coolest person. Being as she was born in a small southern town in 1946, and I 1973 in a large midwestern city -- if you think about it, we've had very different lives. So, of course, we are very different -- but, I suppose owing both to my having been raised by her and being that I am, in fact, physically her child -- probably not so much of a surprise that, somehow, we seem to be very, very much alike in some integral ways.

That is to say, in short, that we "get" one another. Not that we always agree, because rarely have I made the choices in my adult life that she would have hade me make -- but, that we understand where one another is coming from, reagardless. And no, it's not she's the only person I've ever had that with. Pretty much, the people in your life you will be closer to (at least, hopefully) will be those who you relate to very well.

So it's not like I think I've discovered something previously unknown and amazing or anything. Except, kind of, for my self. Because (as I hope should come as no surprise) I've never found my mother physically attractive in the least, I never really got the whole "men wanting a woman like their mother" kind of thing.

In fact, honestly, from knowing my mom as well as I do, I never actually imagined I'd want to be in a relationship with her, either. But I realize now that that view is essentially no different than my not being attracted to my mom physically ... I honestly was never able to imagine myself happily in love with a woman like my ma, as much as I loved her as a son.

But there I was not seeing clearly enough. Of course a personality-clone of my mom would be useless to me: I already have a mom. And she's good at her job. Believe me, she's on it 24/7. I don't think it's speaking too grandly to say that, gentle and loving soul as she is (and i'm not just saying that, she honestly is ... everybody, not just her kids, say so. actually, now that i mention it, that party is really kinda irritating. but i digress.) really, there's only room for one of her in my life, I think.

But that's just it -- I'm not a clone of my mom. Neither are any of the army of children she raised. So, in short, my little epiphany: Just as there is only so much variation in physical flesh, so that there must be people presently and throughout time who have and will be really quite identical to each of us... maybe the same is true of personality? Like, there's only so many human emotions, only so many human stories, reactions, lessons and so on ... so that, however unique you are -- well, there's a lot of other people who are unique in a very similar way.

So yeah -- turns out I do want a girl like dear old Ma. So I dunno -- mebbe at some point I'll actually talk a bit about what she's like, to give some idea of what makes her so cool.

In a broadest sense, I would say it's probably (at least in part) these key things: unfaltering compassion, a defiantly open mind, and a unique and pervasive sense of humor.

So, a while back when I wrote all the stuff about my Dream Girl -- I suppose, scratch that. Just a girl like mom, that'll be just fine.