But try this one on -- and really, if you're somebody who totally gets this and is able to explain it, by all means, I'm all ears. I think the appropriate word to describe my state on this is "flummoxed." And if I've spelled and used that right -- indeed, if it's even really a word at all -- then that should let you know how uniquely odd this seems to me. I'm forced to use a word I've never used before.

But right, here's what I'm on about: Okay, most everybody enjoys sex in on fashion or another, right? I mean, we were born into bodies with this capacity for fantastic pleasure built right in -- well, not only that, but with an innate desire for that pleasure as well. To my mind, going completely without any kind of sex would be approximately equivilant to -- forgive the obviousness here -- like just accepting how horribly bad your back itches, but not doing anything about. And I mean, like if your back is itching really bad ... and, it's just going to keep itching. Unless you would just scratch it, in which case you will be very, very glad that you did.

So okay, enough with the analogies. What I'm on about: We all know that in a general sense, the sex and the dating game as it has evolved thus far, by and large the male is to act as the aggressor, and the female to play a more passive or submissive role. And besides particular individuals or particular circumstances, that's how it plays out.

But here's what is strange for me -- okay, say you're attracted to someone, enough so that you really wouldn't mind a roll or two in the hay with them. And say, as it happens, you are granted this desirable opportunity. So, everything's gone fabulously, you're alone, the desire is mutual, clothing has been rearranged or removed completely at this point.

So -- on one end of a spectrum, a particular chick might decide at this point that enough waiting/propriety is e-fucking-nough, and literally leap on top of the guy, rip his clothes off and have her way with him. Granted, this would most likely be the kind of girl who leaves bruises, bite marks, and scratches that remain painful for at least a couple days -- but, I suppose it's up to the individual dude whether or not he's into that.

And other end of the spectrum? Well, this is the one that I've a bit of trouble understanding. I mean, to be honest -- more women that I've known have been closer to the passive side of things than the girl who just decides to take control because you're taking too goddamn long or whatever -- like, she may say certain things, or respond enthusiastically at some things -- I mean really, a girl who'll do nothing more aggressive than kind of grind into you and breathe heavy -- heh -- well y'know, she is expressing her desire pretty clearly, even if she relies on her partner to do everything else.

So if you've still no idea where I'm going with this, the thing is -- okay, normally I'd say the woman who simply lies there like a block of wood and maybe moans some is perhaps as far into the more-passive-than-might-be-best department as it goes. But the fact is, it just isn't the truth.

Can you understand how someone who is completely consumed with desire will do -- and I mean this -- abolutely nothing to have that desire sated. And by absolutely nothing I mean, nothing besides not saying no.

Hm. Now is it just me, or is that strange? I mean, you might think I'm just misunderstanding this whole thing, but I've had at least one woman actually explain this to me. That's how she is, and that's what she enjoys, and she's perfectly happy with it. And really, she's far from sexually conservative or anything -- really, it's kind of like, "I will do absolutely whatever you want... but only if you do it yourself or explicitly tell me to do it."

Now certainly, if you're doing what she wants and doing it well, it will be pretty clear from how she responds -- there is a point, I suppose, where being reserved is impossible for any of us -- but I'm saying ... for instance, one of the hottest things I ever heard was when a girl who's really actually pretty shy and conservative and even pretty passive in bed, somehow came out and said, "Oh my god, I'm so horny right now I just want you to fuck me in the ass..."

Um. So yeah, I'm not telling that story, I'm just saying -- if you've gotten to the point where you're all alone, and there's been some kind of flirting/petting up to this point -- can anyone tell my why you might only get undressed if the other person undresses you -- like for instance, them even having to tell you to lift your arms so they can take your shirt off -- and, for every other step of the way not let a word, moan, movement -- pretty much, let nothing but the fact that you're not saying 'no' be the guide to whether or not you're made sexually happy tonight.

Just seems kinda inefficient to me, as all. And yeah, certainly none of us wants to have to train someone. If you've no idea what to do on your own, I doubt it's really worthwhile to bother instructing you about every little thing regardless.

But pretty much, as a dude put into this situation -- well, pretty much my way of dealing with it would be, I guess I'll just go ahead and do what I want -- and right, just bank on that being pretty much what she wanted anyway. Because, since honestly I usually feel like getting absolutely no response from someone is kinda a bad thing in general ... I really kinda feel like, words included or not, there's a whole communication that's going on in sex any time both people are really into it ... yeah, the girl who's only way of showing how into what's going on is to let me... sorry, that's just -- in a very vague and difficult to grasp way, that's jut kinda creepy.

Plus, if anyone cares for my opinion, it's really kind of boring to me. I suppose maybe these are people whose ideal lovers are purely dominant individuals -- like on the one side you have someone who wants and is even turned on by having someone else control their sexuality. And on the other, you have someone who totally gets off on having all the power.

I dunno. It's Saturday night, and though I'd love to continue philosophizing and stuff, I really ought to get out and have some fun tonight. I'm thinking I'll avoid my neighborhood haunts tonight, if for no other reason than that I can be any other drunken asshole in the place and not "Norm". Plus, frankly, I'm feeling bad for all the people I end up talking to who remember previous conversations we've had, when I would swear I'd never met them before.

I'm a very personable fellow, but honestly it takes a bit to make any real kind of impression on me. I mean, don't get me wrong -- I'll be totally into what we're talking about at the time, but unless you give me some specific reason to remember you ... well, I meet a lot of people.