And I'm not even talking about such commonly made claims as that men are unable to/dislike talking about emotions, or that women simply enjoy talking itself much more than men. What I mean is in a more complex and a more subtle way -- would you say that men and women communicate differently?

We're not talking only in romantic relationships, here -- 2-5 year old boys and girls communicate with one another, their parents, and their peers in different fashions. If you've ever known/been part of a reasonably closenit circle of friends, of both sexes, consider the complexities of how each person interacted with each other person -- ask yourself to what extent do you believe our language is really gender coded?

Wow, I'm about long-winded ... but whatever. All of that to say, I do think that there are subtle but distinct and integral differences in the way men and women communicate. What I really wonder is -- to what degree is this really outside our control?

Actually, I just thought of something kinda funny. I'd talk about stuff like this, or wonder about it, when I was -- basically through most my teen years. And if I happened to be talking to my mom, or tried to bring her into the conversation, she would politely listen to whatever, but her unvarying response was that she did not understand, it perhaps it wasn't always really good, but, "Vive la difference!"

Heh. Well, I guess me Ma is a wee bit less mulder-ish than myself. Me, I say the truth is out -- hm, okay, maybe the truth is out there. And even if it isn't -- looking for it is kinda fun.

So -- where I'm going with this is -- how likely is it, that the modes of communication that we've evolved over the entire span of the human race should ignore ... well, for instance. A blunt and obvious instance, but it's always been such a clear one for me. Say we have a boy/girl pair of twins. Okay, obviously they can't be identical. But by the time they're say... sixteen years old. They've both been out with their respective friends (of the same sex) boozing it up and swerving around the roads of a particular small town, when a local officer pulls them over. As it happens, he knows the family.

Now. Say the one of them happens to be well over six foot tall and very muscular, always having been known as a bit "bad", but just also a star athlete. This one is just slightly surly, really kind of expects to get away with it, pretty much says, "Okay, okay, we'll go right home. We're just out, having a few beers, having some fun..."

And you know, with a sorta "nudge nudge wink wink" with the fun part.

As it happens, the other one is really quite small and frail. Far more timid, this one has always been rather introverted, so very few realize how sensitive and gifted this kid is. It's ironic, with a fantastic gift for words, this shy kid understands most of what is heard, yet has yet to gain the confidence to speak as clearly back. And of course then, this kid was not just out for a night of the usual old fun -- this one had ended up agreeing to go out with friends who also never went out, because they felt mad and stupid. So when caught, this one is much less smooth, and basically starts bawling and pleading for absolutely any shred of mercy.

See -- as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't really matter which of the kids is a boy or a girl. It would matter for them, tho: If the first one is a boy and the second one a girl, I'd say they both stand a possible chance of getting away with it. On the other hand, if the athlete is a girl and the crybaby is the boy -- I think both their odds decrease significantly. (Oddly enough, this remains true regardless of the gender of the cop. Being a bad boy is more acceptable than bad girl, and if you're going to show weakness and sensitivity for the love of god be female -- who wants to see a man cry?)

Anyhow, I wouldn't really argue any of that particular stuff too much -- because really, those are such extreme examples that we'd all have to be aware that the responses are gender coded. That is, that some ways of communicating are sanctioned and prohibited from each sex, presented with the same situation.

But most of our communication isn't as clear-cut and stark as being pulled over when you've had a few. That sux, whoever you are. And I'm losing my point...

Ah, yes: The point of my extreme example above was to set a clear circumstance wherein despite your own personality, and despite how you yourself would respond... is this situation, most people would try and behave somewhat appropriately for their gender role. Why? Because none of us wants a ticket or jail or our parents to find out -- or whatever. Basically, here is the way you ought to try and behave right now, if you would like what you communicate to benefit you.

So... yeah, all I'm going all conspiracy-theory on ya, now. Peep this: If we can say from great gross examples to -- something as tiny as brushing a bit of lint off the sweater of a person of the opposite sex you've just met -- (I don't know... come up with your own examples) -- point is, if we can say that all of that is most possibly coded to be taken a certain way to be positive or negative, depending on the sexes of those involved:

(See now: If you've bothered to actually follow all that rambling, I'll finally reward you by having a point at the end.)

Rather than assume that it's some sort of cosmic or universal magical coincidence -- is it maybe possible that we've evolved into behaving and communicating as we do exactly because it benefits us.

Ah, but what do I mean by "us"? Well, all of us, of course. Only problem is -- if men's way of communicating is maximized for the invariable benefit of the male, and likewise the women's based in ways that will benefit the female... um, will we ever be talking about the same thing?