Trying to post half-drunk while you eat tacos isn't apparently the best idea in the world. Well, merry fuckin independence day to you, too.

I have a job interview tomorrow evening, and I'm apparently single. And the apparently single part is really why I'm posting.

And yeah -- the advent of the girlfriend is ultimately why I've been so inconsistent with posting for so long. Perhaps here we will explain why.

She's broken up with me, yet again. And, despite the fact that I don't really have any idea if she'll take me back -- I mean, when you're the one who's dumped, how should you? -- I still know that she expects me to try and get her back. Because my getting her back is the whole reason it has lasted this long.

"Don't be a fucking loon," I say in so many words. "We love each other. It's just a fight. We can get over this." And we have.

But let me explain some shit.

In reality, I feel like I'm betraying my CG's trust here, and that's why I haven't pointed out this shit thus far. But then again, this is my own diary, anonymous even if it is online, and really never more than two or three people have ever been reading in the first place, so what's the harm with being candid?

I have said that my Girl is Crazy. Let me count the ways:

When her mom got pregnant with her, her dad left because he'd said he didn't want another kid. This has left my girl with apparent lifelong abandonment issues.

She was molested when she was around three by a stranger. She remembers it, and remembers feeling like her mom should have been there to protect her.

She was raped when she was around 19. Not exactly clear if this was a stranger, which probably means it was an acquaintance.

She's tried to kill herself three times, twice in her teens and once in her early twenties.

She's been institutionalized four times, three following the suicide attempts and once just because it was needed.

She was married for three and a half years, which ended in divorce when her husband was finally institutionalized after ultimately not being able to make her happy -- his parents got him to sign the forms while he was in the hospital.

I met her in the last months of this marriage, which is apparently (supposedly) when she took a liking to me, and knew it was time to ditch the marriage. Yet again, the husband was the one who ended up signing divorce papers because he broke down when she left him, as he was unwilling to go to yet more counseling to get even more uncrazy than he was...

So, yeah. So "Yeah!" with me, kids ... far from failing, I actually got a "B" in at least one of my classes this past semester. So though I'm not doing as well as I would like, I am still chugging along towards my bachelor's in psychology. One more semester, and I can consider grad school my next stop.

So the question: Is she crazy, or am I, for the fact that -- yes, prior to this most recent breakup, we were trying to have kids. We've been together for nine months. If I get her back, I know that she definitely wants kids -- which, everything else aside, makes sense since she's 31 -- if we want more than one kid, we really should get on the ball.

Yet again -- how fucking insane must I be?

The thing is, I don't want to hold her past against her. If I really thought craziness in your past meant you would always be crazy, I wouldn't be interested in psychology as a profession. But all that shit aside...