It's been some time since I last posted, though oddly enough I've half-composed several posts in my head about every other day since I last posted. It's really probably not a good thing that I don't write more regularly -- having written my whole life, I think that I process things more fully if I write about them ... like, to some degree, my thoughts never quite reach linear until I've made myself sit down and write them out. And sure, I don't really believe that life happens in an exactly linear fashion ... but in that wonderful way that truth tends to seem contradictory, life is at least as linear as it is cyclical.

Which, I guess, means that rather than being a line or a circle, in my head the way that one series of events leads into another is rather like a spiral -- the question we must ask ourselves is if we're spiralling upwards or downwards. For myself, I think I spiral either down and into myself, or up and into the world. Of course, I'm using a physical description to explain abstracts, so I'd guess that any of this would only make sense if you're already at least halfway there in your own thinking...

So anyway, what's new in the world, eh? I mean, besides our asshole president still being an ass? Last I saw, that chick was still missing in Aruba. Y'know, I will say that I'm sorry for her and her family since something truly bad most certainly happened to her -- at the same time, all the coverage I've glimpsed by chance can't help me wonder about all the people who suffer and die who get no coverage whatsoever. It goes without saying that our media won't really pay much attention to all the non-US-citizens dying under tragic circumstances, which point out a deplorable narrowness of thought in our national mindset ... but even beyond that, I don't even think all American deaths are equal. What exactly is so frickin compelling about this particular girl going missing? I mean, would we even have heard of it if a black, inner-city 19 year old male went missing, regardless of if he had scholarships and a "bright future" out the ass?

Is it supposed to be death, or the unkown circumstances of it, that are so incredibly newsworthy? Or are there otehr factors which are supposed to tittilate us and keep us glued to our sets for further developments?

Speaking of which, for all that he is a celebrity and obviously a weird fucker, would we have had to put up with every frickin detail of Micheal Jackson's case if he'd actually been assumed innocent from the start? Once again, I'm going to say that it insinuates some seriously fucked up priorities that this case receieved so much attention when much larger tragedies, injustices, and violations of basic human rights have been occuring every day. If I were a more religious man, I would pray for our collective souls when it comes to this crap.

But, I don't spend all my time watching crappy news. Very little of it, in fact. Really, the majority of my time has gone to being equally split between keeping CG happy and keeping myself sane. Or at least, I hope it's equally split. Probably the biggest threat to my own sanity is that I remain unemployed, and really kind of half-assed about rectifying that situation. I am committed to getting a social-services oriented job if I am to get any, and I do wonder at exactly how I can manage to be choosy in this matter. On the one had, I tend to think I should probably really be rather desperate at this point, but on the other I feel like I have to firmly decide on the direction of my life at some point. I'm one semester away from a BA in psychology with plans on going further, so at some point I will definitely need to establish a working history related to the field. Hell, it's one of the problems I see even at this point: Every single job wants years of experience on top of a degree. Other than being able to somehow afford to volunteer for years, exactly how should one accomplish that?

And true: With the spotty work history I've had over the past few years, I could have been volunteering. But hindsight, as they say, is 20/20, and at this point I really don't think I can afford to work for free. As I continue to dig myself deeper into a hole of debt, I really must get msyelf to focus on actually making some money.

Hm. Well, it occurs to me that I'm not actually unemployed, I do still have a weekend job that pays decently for 20 hours a week, but frankly that just aint going to cut it in the long run. And see, here's what I mean about things not being linear at all in my head until I write them down: Remembering that I actually do work over the weekend somehow reminds me that I've spent the other 5 days worrying over my grades from this past semester. For some reason, the one holdout class still has an "Incomplete" posted as the grade, despite the fact that I sent the last paper in three weeks ago, and the professor said he'd get a grade in two weeks ago. It doesn't make sense that I can't focus on getting a job while I'm still worried about school ... but senseless or not, it does rather seem to be the case.

And really, I think a tendency towards worry might be my biggest problem. As the lady said, worry is wasteful, and useless in times like these. But, I have figured out that I can keep CG from absolutely losing her mind if I'm johnny on the spot and standing right next to her as soon as she wants and I'm humanly able to. This is not exactly fair, seeing as one of her favorite criticisms of me is that I "expect her to just fit into [my] schedule whenever it's convenient", but I've already said she's nuts so really what should I expect? In short, she requires that any stretch of time greater than, say, 2 or 3 hours that I have free, I should obviously want to spend with her. But I'm working on this, because if she wants that she's going to have to come over a bit more into my world rather than requiring me to come into hers...

And, she's really going to get over the game stuff, as well. My apoligies to all my true ladies out there (Hi Becky!) but I really feel like a lot of women need to let go of this tendency, where ever it comes from, of romantically strategizing, for lack of a better term. What I mean is, for example: I work 20 hours in two days and, however unromantic it may be of me, I don't necessarily need to see her in the evening of either of those days. This doesn't show a lack of devotion on my part, it just shows that when I'm tired I become rather hermit-like. (Once again, the only real solution to that is to come into my world.) It seems her solution is to spend lots of time on the weekend with a "friend" who's obviously trying to romance her. And here I'm saying, go with him if'n ya want. But don't do it to try and make me jealous. That's disrespectful to all three of us, in my opinion.

Anyhow, in other news I'm planning to quit smoking (again) this week. Yes, my friends, let the stressful times roll...

And y'all keep it real out there, okay?