One major reason why I would guess this? Well, because I really do just walk like a normal person, rather than in an exaggerated manly swagger. I tend to speak with a soft and measured tone, rather than a booming voice that fills the entire room. I actually listen rather than simply waiting for my chance to talk some more. And I really smile quite easily at the smallest kindness, rather than looking upon people with a condescending shake of my head or roll of my eyes.

All of this to say -- really, if anything, I've about me a shy and retiring manner, rather than being obnoxious or overbearing as my frequent claims to greatness might tend to mislead. In fact, just the other night some random girl told me I seem rather insecure. This intended-constructive criticism I took in fairly good humor. Because I can imagine how I might seem so to her.

You see ... there's something I discovered very, very early in my childhood. Something that, in fact, I've been reminded of fairly constantly throughout my entire life. That something is this: If I actually tell people how amazing I really think I am, and that I honestly do think taking my advice would do most people a world of good ... well, basically nobody ever likes that. To put it another way, for over-confidence the world will whip you with its displeasure.

And it's a shame, really. My thinking I'm the best thing since cheez whiz doesn't mean everybody else can't think the same. Hell, honestly I encourage that we all should. Granted, this would make it so that people would not just do what I tell them is best -- but that's okay with me, so long as they leave me to do what I think is best.

But honestly ... though I would not have had the perspective to classify it as such (rather, I logged these things as "odd" in my mind, and came to understand why later) I had several instances in my childhood where adults were threatened by how unswervingly right I automatically assumed I was. And I believe that is in the end the basis of it. There is so much doubt and confusion in the world -- really, it seems rather the rule than the exception for humankind -- that anyone who seems to lack this doubt is met with scorn and disapproval. In short, we may not accept you until you seem as doubtful of your own perspective as all the rest of us.

But really, I don't doubt myself; I doubt people's ability to handle my actual self. In speaking my honest opinions and perspectives, I have found that I will alienate the greater majority of those I will encounter. However I implore you, gentle reader, to keep something in mind about all this.

Simply: I didn't ask to feel as I do. Again, as a child I could not even have understood let alone explained how I was any different from anyone else. But truthfully... I really always have felt blessed and lucky. I really always have felt that I was special, that I was imbued with gifts and talents absolutely unique to myself. Without any ability whatsoever to explain or justify it, I've always suspected that something far beyond even my own imagining works through me. That is to say that I am "touched by something."

So you see by now the problem, right? I feel fairly safe in assuming that by asserting this perspective I've alienated the reader rather than nurturing a sense of shared existence. It's really rather ironic. I speak truthfully and I'm crazy (or any number of variations on the term) yet withholding this truth speaks to the instincts of most humans. This is to say, people will wonder why I seem unwilling to freely speak my mind. Thus "timid" or "insecure" or what have you. And as it happens, I find I can endure these misunderstandings of my attitude more easily than all of those who become angered at my insinuation that I am all but infallible. Probably because the latter, asserting that I'm pompous or full of myself or whatever, is probably closer to the truth.

Note tho, that I say "closer to the truth". Because, unlike what is inferred by those who are offended at my certainty, the fact is that I don't actually look down on other people just because I feel that I'm so great. And would that not be the problem? "You think that you're better than..." But I don't. I possibly how one can consider themself as high while not considering others low is complex or mysterious. But it really is possible. Does recognizing your own worth deny the worth of others?

And so, should you ever meet me, rest assured that I would seem quite kind and personable, and if anything actually a little unsure of myself. And if it helps, I will acknowledge that this uncertainty is honestly not a false front on my part ... I am unsure because I've never understood why speaking my mind must garner the reaction that it does. This is to say, I cannot understand how I can see myself so clearly yet others not so much. In fact, I've oftened wondered why I can see others so clearly, whilst they seem quite blind to their own nature.

So allow me to help, if I've offended: This is all probably because I am delusional. Yep, it obviously is me who is ... well, rather strange, and everyone else who's normal enough. I can accept this if you can. In the final estimate, if I'm so danged superior, why ain't I rich?

Tho really, I prefer the Breeders version: "If you're so special, why aren't you dead?"