So early on at this party, I'm noticing that I'm getting eyes from the b-day girl's cousin. No big deal, she's married-with-kids and not someone I'd immediately fall in love with anyway ... but, this detail is relevant to the way the night turns out.

So later we're all at a place where the b-day girl can dance, and fun is being had by all. My girl A. was sticking fairly close to me, which is cool because it's not like I was gonna dance anyway, right? (ref: broken ankle) But as the night progresses and we all mingle and chat with one another (oh, at some point I did lean over and bite the b-day girl really hard on the neck. It occurs to me now that this violates her "no flirting with me while you date someone else rule", but I really wasn't thinking of it as flirting ... she just has a really good neck for biting, honestly. I mean, she's like all neck. If you were a vampire, you wouldn't be able to resist. Anyway...)

So right ... amongst all the mingling, there is some chatting with b-day girl's cousin, and yes my spidey sense is able to suss out, married or not, this girl is so into me.

Now ... you know, there was a show that I never watched that was out a while ago, called "Men Behaving Badly." As it turns out, how I behaved next fit that description fairly well. And to be honest, I've no idea where it came from ... I was just buzzed, and I suppose it seemed a good idea at the time.

So the cousin is sitting with me, and I say, "Come here..." indicating that she should lean closer -- and yeah, I just started kissing her.

After a moment of that, I say, "You should tell your husband about that, it'll make him jealous." To which she shrugs and says, "Nah, there was no tongue."

So right, what would you have done? "Well, come here, then ..."

After which, she's all like, "Oh, now I'm blushing..." And I kiss her neck a bit.

I know, kinda horrible of me wasn't it?

She says, "Just to let you know, if I wasn't married, I would definitely go home with you tonight..."

To which I respond by kissing her a bit more.

A bit after that, A.'s best friend, who is a guy and happens to have been there calls me over for a little chat. Paraphrasing, it goes something like this:

"Hey, man. I don't want to get all into your business or anything ... but listen, A.'s my best friend, and I know she really likes you. Now hey, no offense, I mean, be a man and everything, but don't hurt her..."

(Insert: Does being a man somehow include being unfaithful? Hmm...)

And quite honestly, I was all like, "Oh ... did she see that?"

And he was just a little irritated.

"I don't know, but she was standing right here. (Mebbe 6 feet from where I'd been kissing the married girl) And look man ... (I don't recall the wording here, but it was something along the lines of, as a guy and her friend, he'd have to ... I dunno, some sort of vague threat of violence. About which he apologized, but was just letting me know where he stood.)

And I was all like, hey, no need to apologize, you're totally right, and honestly I was quite happy that he cares enough about her to have gone there.

So, fast forward to the end of the night, it's just A. and me in the car at this point, and I go, "... so, did you see me kissing that other girl?"

To which she responds, "No." But says a little bird or something told her.

I asked why she didn't say something, and she asked what she supposed to say? I said, well, how do you feel about it? She says, "I don't know, how am I supposed to feel?"

However you do, I say. What right does she have to feel anything, she says. We go along this way a few times, with me pointing out that how you feel doesn't need to be justified by a "right".

So, the short version of this all is that we're idling by her place and I'm explaining that wanting anything other than friendship from me at this juncture is a bad idea, and she gives me that she doesn't want to have "this conversation" in a car.

"What conversation are we having?" I ask, but we park anyways.

We talk for quite a bit, and the gist of it from my side was that all these people keep telling me how much she likes me and not to hurt her, and I don't want to.

Most of this time I'm laying with my eyes closed, but I'm assuring her I won't fall asleep while we're talking. At some point she's saying how she's really energetic, and that sux because I'm obviously falling asleep. I offer to leave, she doesn't want me to. She gets in bed, but keeps going on about how she's not tired at all, then eventually says, "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to let you sleep. I'm just really horny right now."

Did I say short version? Geez. Call me a liar.

So I tell her, if you really want to we can, but I really am tired. She says, well, just don't fall asleep.

The weird thing in this is, in retrospect, I think the sexing was a bid on her part to make me want her more. At some point after I get, "What are we?" and another question along those lines, which gave me the opportunity to say, in essence, "We're friends."

Yeah yeah, "do you sleep with your friends"? But remember the sex was her idea. And whether she knows it or not, that would be the last time for us. My Best Friend's Girl says that the clearest and most real way to not lead her on is to not have sex with her, so yeah, that's all done. I meant it to be done before last night, but a bit of info on me -- I even tried to explain this to her beforehand: Keeping me awake when I'm really sleepy might really be the absolute worst kind of torture you could do to me. I explained to her that really, I was feeling like I might start crying if she didn't stop talking. So yeah, for good or bad, a way to get sex out of me when I wouldn't otherwise is to just keep me awake when I'm really tired until I'm convinced that sex will be the shorter path to the realm of the sandman.

So all in all ... yeah, I'm thinking it might take only 37 or more times before she's convinced that we will not be a fairy-tale romance or something. I don't know, maybe she already has it, but who knows. Truthfully, I don't see how she ever got there anyway. I never, ever said the "L" word to her. I never even said "dating" and certainly not "girlfriend" to her.

In fact, kids, from really the start and several times since, I've tried to make it clear that I didn't want any kind of "relationship", and have in fact not slept with her for some time before last night specifically because I didn't want to be misleading. Granted, I have kissed her, but honestly that's more a matter of not pulling away when she kissed me than my own unrelenting desire.

So in the end, I can't feel too horribly bad ... or maybe I could, but as it happens I don't. In fact, I'm actually rather glad to know that, even should she attempt to continue in that direction, last night I did make it abundantly clear that I would consider that a mistake.

The gist of it, ladies and gentlemen? Yah, I am a very attractive male specimen. In addition, I am a fun and bright person, and I'm genuinely kind. So I can see how, in passing, I might seem like quite a catch.

But can you say, "Issues", kids? I knew you could. I'm so messed up on the whole women/dating/relationship front that even should I actually fall in love, there would still be quite a rocky terrain in my and my love interest's future before we ever got to happily-ever-after.

But most immediately important for anyone who might begin dating me any time soon: My instincts at this juncture will say run, run far and fast away should you begin to find yourself falling for someone. And this would like result in strange behavior, as wanting someone and wanting to run at the same time are just slightly contradictory impulses.

But I dunno. I know at some point she was saying that she's still a hopeless romantic, and I suppose deep down somewhere so am I, as well. But I didn't say that to her, because the fact is she just isn't the right girl for me.

Neither is C.

Obviously, neither is C.'s cousin.

So is that "being a man" then? That I definitely want someone -- but I've no idea who that someone is?