(It's funny -- suddenly as I'm about to explain what I mean, it seems to me kinda deja-vu-ish, and I'm wondering if I've written this entry already. It seems really unlikely that I would have, tho. I dunno. Hey, if I repeat myself and you've paid enough attention to notice so, feel free to point out, "you already told us that." And as a reward, you will receive a free toaster. With toast already in it, even. Hey, we aim to please at a passing strange.)

So anyhow. Yeah, I was just going to explain how my freshman year, I'm living in one of these two gigantic dorm buildings (like, 10 floors each) that are connected in the middle by a cafeteria. The dorms were coed by floor -- you know, first floor and every odd numbered is a guy's floor, all the even floors are female floors -- so as you might imagine, there's quite a bit of hormone and parent-absentee driven tomfoolery going on in these buildings. Well, for everyone except for me, that is. I was very busy being a good boy, back then.

So anyway, yeah -- I actually do keep thinking I've talked about this before, but it may just be because my own behavior of late really really reminds me of the person I intend to talk about. Or it may be that I've told this story already, but if you'll forgive me -- apparently I feel like telling it again, so here we go.

Now right -- amongst all the other interesting (and not so much) personalities that I met while living there, one that I only knew very slightly was this girl I'm going to call Sarah. Honestly, I don't actually recall if that was her name -- I think it was, but as I say, I didn't actually know her well, so it could have been anything. Maybe it was Bob. Anyway.

The thing about Sarah was that, for the guys who lived in these buildings at least, you didn't actually have to know her, or even know her name, to know who she was. You see, she was the crazy/hot girl, and pretty much you could get any guy you met to know who you meant just by describing her.

(Allow me to say: as you might imagine, of course there were no end of girls that any particular person might think was hot and/or crazy at any given time. It certainly wasn't as if she had a monopoly on being awarded these labels. Just the way she did it was fascinating enough to catch everyone's attention.)

One of the primary distinguishing things about her was that anyone who recognized her would typically be quite amazed if they saw her out during daylight hours -- particularly if they saw her actually on campus during this time. Now, I wasn't exactly a model student back then, but she even had me beat. As far as anyone could tell, she really never went to class.

Pretty much most of what she did, as far as anyone could tell, was stay in her room and sleep a lot. In the least, she certainly slept through the days, because the most common siting of her would be when she woke up at the last minute so that she could come down to dinner before the cafeteria closed. You never saw her at breakfast or lunch.

And when she came down -- whoa. I mean reliably, she was still wearing her pajamas, often enough the same pair of pajamas you'd seen her in for the last several days. She'd still be rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, pretty much never had shoes, and generally stumbled in a half-asleep state wherein she hardly noticed those around her. She was always nice enough to anyone who did get her attention, and would really join about anyone for dinner or conversation, so long as they seemed to want her company. She also seemed perfectly fine with eating alone, as sometimes nobody would go out of their way to invite her. That was actually pretty rare, tho.

So I probably haven't fully described hot she was hot or crazy yet. Well, the hot part is something you'll just have to allow me, though I will offer that I never heard a dissenting vote in all the time I sorta-knew her. Really, the erratic behavior only takes you so far, I'm pretty sure every guy wouldn't know who she was if she wasn't attractive. But it really was an odd sort of attractive.

For instance, she really never seemed to shower much, and absolutely never combed her hair, that I could see. She had this really thick, dark, curly head of hair -- past her shoulders, so really -- when she'd stumble down from sleeping, her hair would just be a mess of tangles and such. And often pretty greasy-looking, too -- I really would be surprised if she showered more than once a week, on average.

Which was actually something she'd admit freely enough. I having dinner with her one night (well, with her and a table full of other people) and one of the topics that came up was some dance or something that was coming up -- I don't recall at all what it was, but it was something about which people would discuss A) whether or not you're going and B) who you're going with. And I recall that when someone was asking her if she was going she'd said, "Nah, nobody's gonna ask me to go out with them. I'm too stinky."

And she was kinda stinky most of the time, too. But I don't think the "no one would ask her out" part was true. In fact, I'm pretty sure the ears of every male at the table pricked up with hopefullness at hearing that.

But alas, it was a wasted hope. Our crazy/hot Sarah really never seemed to do much other than hibernate in her room. On a few rare occasions, I would see her go out on a social expedition -- but it was never anything that might normally be considered a date or anything. It was always with a large group of people. It was always like 1-2 a.m. -- the majority of the group having been out partying all night already, and she decides to tag along for the second leg. And it was always essentially one of those lets-go-out-to-some-field-and-drink-and-smoke-pot kind of outings.

I dunno, if you've always been a city-dweller, you may not know what I mean about the "field parties". But in towns small enough to have farms and stuff not so far outside of town, this was a common enough outing, especially for those who couldn't yet drink in bars. Buncha kids in some field in the middle of the night getting fucked up, pretty much the gist.

So yeah, as I was pretty much invariably up late nights, I saw her head out to a few of those. If memory serves, I believe I was actually invited along for at least one by her -- but again, as I was a Good Boy back then, drinking and smoking pot were not something I'd dive at the chance at. Though in retrospect, I could at least have gone along because crazy/hot was going. But I digress.

Her "going out" attire wasn't much different than how she appeared regularly. She might actually drag a comb through her hair, though the shower for the occasion usually seemed too much a hassle. Of course she'd wear shoes, and she might wear something other than pajamas, but whatever it was would still look as if it had been at the bottom of a pile for some time -- and none too clean.

All this to say -- not only did I never know anyone who claimed to have so much as even kissed her, though pretty much everyone agreed with me that she had a certain something, but I also never saw her exhibit any behavior that suggested that she might really want a guy to want her. Her attendance at these late night social outings seemed pretty much squarely focused on getting a good buzz on. After which, presumably, she returns to her dorm room to sleep through the rest of the day, to show up in her pajamas at dinner time, as per usual...

So yeah -- in retrospect (and really, probably some at the time) I would have to guess that this girl was actually pretty depressed. I mean, she was in school but never went to class. She mostly seemed to sleep, and couldn't be bothered much for normal hygiene practices. And while she seemed friendly with everyone, she also seemed to have no close friends and certainly no romantic relationships. Moreover, she seemed to have desire for neither one.

So -- yeah, I don't know if my (and the other boys') fascination with her would seem to make a whole lot of sense. But this is an accurate retelling of the situation. I suppose I should say, she did have a very attractive face -- you know, dark eyes to match the hair, dark skin, and just a nice-put-together set of features, overall. She wasn't very tall, maybe 5'6", but she really did seem to have a rather nice set of curves, from what you could tell considering the invariably ill-fitting and baggy clothes she would wear. So does a nice body and face make all her unusual behavior irrelevant? Or does it somehow just make that behavior attractive, because an attractive person is doing it? I dunno.

But I recall her because I think I've kind of become her. Well, an older, male version of her, that is. Except of course I don't live in a dorm. And I don't go to field parties. And okay, I don't go out in my pajamas -- look, just shut and let me explain, would you?

I say I've become her because I think her particular mystique was that, ultimately, she seemed to have a quality about her that suggested she'd be the most amazing student, most amazing friend, most amazing girlfriend, and most amazing of whatever else she wanted -- if only she could be bothered to.

And I don't mean that she was one of those typically obnoxious eighteen year old cynics -- sadly, I was probably closer to that at that age than she was. No, she wasn't always complaining or putting things down -- she just never seemed to want much or worry much -- like, whatever was going on just was, and it was all the same to her.

Now, as you may imagine, I did not see this girl at school the following year. I think a bunch of us had somehow hoped it was just an act, that somehow she was actually pulling off passing grades even though no one ever saw her going to a class. But no, this girl pretty much got kicked out of school, or alternately did as I finally did and dropped out, though apparently with much less fuss than I made of it.

So you have a person who is physically attractive, obviously intelligent, personally engaging, yet who seems oddly unconcerned about most of the things most everyone would think should warrant some concern.

So yeah. I've become the crazy/hot girl. So hey -- any of you who've wanted a name other than "strange" by which to call me, thereyago -- y'all can call me Sarah. If it so pleases you.

But please do remember -- I'm a boy, darnit.

Now y'all have a nice Friday. If you're going out tonight, remember a shower really never hurt anybody. Well, except for those who fall and injure themselves while in the shower. So you be careful in there, okay?