Okay, ever had a short-term relationship?

Either way, what I'm getting at is this: Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, found it later all moldy and ill-fitting in the bottom of a box and threw it out.

A bit ago, I ranted and ranted some more about sex. If you haven't read it, go to the archived stuff and find the SexSexSex entry ... if you have, go read it again. 'Cause I said so, that's why.

So sex is great and fine, and everybody should be getting some. So why, then, am I not "that kind of guy"?

Because, while you absolutely can have fantastic sex in the confines of a relationship that won't last ... ah, me. At this point in time, kids, I'm just not feeling it. Oh, I can be moved to lust at the sight of a beautiful woman as easily as anyone else. And experience has shown that I could really enjoy some fleeting experience or other.

But ... well, it's my diary, let me wax silly and perhaps stupidly romantic a bit, here. I don't want to kiss lips that I will only have in memory later. I don't want to thrill at the smell of skin, I don't want to feel our breath mingle, I don't want to learn the taste and touch of someone ... just to, in the end, have to lump her in amongst the varied other experiences in my life.

"I want roses in my garden bower, dig?"

When you are truly lovers, simply lightly touching hands, running skin over palms and finger and knuckles -- it can have a heartbreaking tenderness, a thrilling intimacy, right? There is something that can be communicated by touch that approaches the sacred.

And frankly -- I can't say I'll feel this way forever, but right this moment -- I guess I just don't want to go there with a woman who simply will not be mine. I don't want to touch someone in happiness if I know we won't have that touch in sadness, in anger, in despair or confusion. I don't want to play love as a game.

We're told a kiss is just a kiss. But maybe it shouldn't be? Just maybe, you shouldn't kiss someone unless you really mean it?

Pretty much my whole life, I've thought that whole "saving yourself" for marriage or whatever riff was just plain silliness. And probably it is. After all, if I'd never done it, I wouldn't think as I do now, right?

But ... I don't know. I guess I'm not so much saying it's about saving yourself or anything. More like, it's about being real. Like -- okay. Try it this way: We don't just "live in" our bodies, we are our bodies. They're an essential and uncompromising part of us -- leaving all that "spirit" nonsense aside until such a time as we've any actual proof that there is such a thing that exists without a body.

Now clearly, having a body generally means having sexual desire. It also allows for sexual pleasure. But, while it may well be easy enough to find someone who may be physically compatible enough to create mutual thrills and endless excitement -- is it that easy to find a personality you mesh so easily with?

That's meant to be the trick, right? We can find those that match physically and those that match mentally, but it's a challenge to get the both in one. But let's go even a bit further with that. Let's consider if we may match physically, mentally, and spiritually. And by this, again, I'm not talking disembodied stuff. For instance, I know I'm physically my mom's child, and mentally we're obviously very much alike ... but moreover, I would argue that whatever lives we'd live, in a very basic sense only she would ever have been my mother. In such a way as words would fail me to try and explain.

Along the same lines, in a mental sense I never have been nor am I yet much at all like either of my brothers. Our whole family does share a similar sense of humor, but that's about it. Nonetheless, I've every faith in a bond there that once again defies description.

Obviously, the physical bond that you would share with a lover would have to be different than the one you share with family. Well, unless you're from a very odd family, but hey, if you don't tell I won't judge. Anyhow, what I'm getting at is that -- you know, when people marry, you're considered as becoming family, right? Certainly, if you have children with someone, to one degree or another you're kinda stuck with that person for life, even if you wish to dear god it was not so. Yeah, they can go away, but it'll never be as if you spawned the kid whole without anyone else's help.

In consideration of this ... certainly not to say any of us should only ever have one lover, but just maybe it's something we should not take lightly in the slightest? Again, not speaking as if procreation were the only reason for sex. God forbid. Heh.

No, sex is by all means a Good Thing in and of itself. But, perhaps this Good Thing should only come within at least the consideration that both people involved truly are physically, mentally, and spiritually unique in this world. And thus, most perfectly satisfied with a partner with whom they are compatible on all these levels, rather than just on the one?

Okay, okay. If you're in such a hurry, maybe just two.

But myself? Allow us to sigh dejectedly once again. For myself, at the moment, it seems I'd only want to settle for what might seem an actual match for all.

Yeah, I know. Good luck with that one.