See, a major part of what threw my life into turmoil not so very long ago was an ill-conceived relationship with someone I should have just kept at about several arms lengths -- sadly, I didn't do that, and probably more than a year of my life took a somewhat unpleasant detour as a result.

Well, haven't seen her in approximately a year -- and she calls the other night, pretty late. Calls 6-7 times as a matter of fact, because I was out. When I finally get home and she gets ahold of me, the gist is she wants to see me again.

And obviously, those of you who've been in such a situation will grasp that by "see" we mean "sex".

So I was pretty torn apart by this idea for a bit. I mean honestly, on the one hand my life went into the toilet last time, and I have no reason to think I'd be able to deal any better this time around -- nor have I any reason to think she is any different. On the other, she is quite beautiful, the sex is really amazing, and ... awright, I'll be straight: If I've ever really been in love, I think it was/is with her. So in short, ya, I'd like to see her.

Yet by "see" ... um ... right, we already covered that.

Okay, but in the end, seeing her would require taking off work today. And I really can't afford to do that -- on so many different levels can I not afford to do that.

So off I go to work, passing up the first opportunity to see my ill-fated love in about a year. I may wonder, by the end of the day, if I will consider myself insane for having passed up the chance to hold her again -- strangely, as fantastic as the sex was, the truth is that what sets her apart is an odd sense of calm or peace that I got from just laying with her, or holding her. I've truly missed that.

But, she isn't really mine anyway. And "love" or no, bending your own life around to satisfy the needs of someone who's been bad for you in the past is just silly. My sweet D. is, among other things, a master manipulator, and frankly I don't have the energy or time to spend trying second-guess her these days.

So sing it with me, kids: "First I was afraid, I was petrified ... yadda yadda, I grew strong, and I learned how to carry on ..."

Eh, I should be fired from my job any day now. :)