The preceding is the beginning of a hip-hop album one of my best friends in the military, and the only roomate I ever chose for myself in my life, would listen to occassionally. It's also the beginning of a martial-arts movie that I have not seen, but is either basis of or is based on a popular comics story, "Lone Wolf and Cub". My friend liked it because he thought it was the best father-and-son story ever told ... I haven't read the story or seen the movie, so I can't really say.

In the spoiler department, I can tell you that in the movie the shogun kills the mom and the rest of the family, leaving the lone samurai and his kid to wander and do impressive stuff. As far as the comic, I know that it's a lone badass who has a toddler as a sidekick.

And really, none of that is my point, though from what I know I'd have to recommend both movie and graphic novel.

My point is, " ... ______ wasn't afraid of _______, but ______ was afraid of _______..."

The kid's dad, ultimately, was the greatest beaurocrat in the empire. He was doing his job, quite well. He wasn't concerned with the larger issues, he just did what he was supposed to do. And most of those he loved died because of it.

I am one melodramatic sonafabitch. But I feel like I can relate.

Not in the faultless devotion part, but I don't really think that was central to the Lone Wolf character. I can relate in that he was living his life, and that fear of someone else wasn't what drove him at all. And in that such self-involvement can fuck you in the end.

Nixtress has motivated me to re-read some of my own past entries, and I couldn't help but be struck by the Can We Talk About Me Some More? post from quite a while ago...

I haven't changed that much. And again, it's not like I'm bragging. I probably know my "faults" better than I should.

The fact of the matter is, however much you wanna be down on yourself, however much you want to indulge yourself by telling yourself you're a piece of shit or whatever...

Be for fuckin real for a second, kids. There's what we would do to ourselves... and there's what others would do to us. And without a doubt, others will fuck us far more than we would fuck ourselves.

Would masturbation not be the end-all-be-all, otherwise?

I was seventeen years old, a shy artistic kid in high school, the first time I recall someone describing me as intimidating ... this was a woman old enough to be my mom, who was the instructor in a speech and debate class. She was only being instructful, as was her job.

Blew my fucking mind. Just because you're scared, doesn't mean you can't scare the piss out of someone else.

I'm still learning...