Now for one thing, while I can't possibly claim it was not personal at all, I should point out that this has been yet another week during which I called no one, and have in fact had my ringer off pretty much the whole time. I'll listen to your messages at some point, but when I say "I'll call you back", don't necessarily assume it will be sooner rather than later.

So there's that, but on the other hand this: I really didn't enjoy the date at all. Kinda sucked, really. And really, I didn't feel any kind of sparks there whatsoever. I mean, maybe we don't normally talk about these things, but isn't there some indefinable moment, or maybe even several -- you know, just those very brief moments of very meaningful eye contact, or maybe a very light touch that lingers just a bit too long -- those little fleeting moments where both people are very much aware of a mutual passion that's underlying? Not a whit of it with her. Really, being on a "date" with this lady was like pulling teeth, in a social sense.

Relax and have fun, already! It's just one night, and even if I'm boring you won't get these hours back! Have as much fun as you can.

Now is it just me, or does that make sense?

So what I'm wondering, I'm calling her back because she's called me many times, I'd really intended to call her again anyway, and most importantly because I actually do enjoy talking to her -- when she's not sitting at a table directly across from me being way, way too serious. And thinking my sense of humor is bizarre. Of course it is. But shouldn't you know that by now?

Oh, right, what I was wondering: Since I'm not actually interested in the slightest, and that was the basis of our interaction at this point, should I be calling her back? I mean, I ask this because there seems to be this societal thing about guys never calling or something ... tho honestly, in my experience, women are no more immune to this flaw than men ... and in any event, I've every desire to do the most kind thing, regardless. As I say, from most of what I've experienced I like her. Just not attracted to her at all.

Now, obviously I can't (or at least won't) be telling her that in terms quite as simple and clear cut. Because for one thing? Part of whether I ever feel that spark really does depend on it being mutual. Now, mouth-wateringly hot as I may happen to be, for whatever reason this girl just did not seem to be feeling me. Or if she was, she was being way repressed, which is just as bad, IMHO.

So as I'll be avoiding the topic of attraction as best I can, the gray of the question is laid somewhat more bare: Would it be like I'm leading her on or something, to talk and even go out yet again, knowing full well that for myself the possibility of anything other than friends is pretty much nil? I mean, quite possibly she feels exactly the same way, which would make things simple. But supposing she doesn't? Then what?

And allow me to point out something, here. Because none of us being perfect, should we be honest with ourselves in time we come to learn many of our flaws. (Wow, WTF is that? A sentence? Fragment? Whatever, onward...) A flaw of my own that I'm fully aware of? If we continue to talk and hang out, and if over time she becomes more relaxed and thus more aggressive? Quite possibly at some point I still would sleep with her.

The problem with this? Pretty sure the relationship thing ain't happening, and even momentary bouts of extreme horniness more than likely will not change that. I mean, there's some small outside chance, I suppose, that as she relaxed and such and became more willing to express her own emotion, that my responses and feelings for her would change too, so that by the time anything happened I wouldn't be as staunch about my no-relationship stance.

But that's where my little sentence fragment comes in. That could happen. But in my experience, it doesn't.

So there's what I'm wondering. On the one hand, seems like I'm an asshole if I never call her again. On the other, I know myself well enough that I can see quite easily how my calling her becomes, weeks or months later, an instance of my "leading her on".

So I wonder, is my view on this perfectly reasonable and obvious to you, if you're female? So very often it seems to the one sex that the thinking and decision making of the other is so completely unfathomable. If you were on the other side of this little situation, what do you think would be the odds you'd know what's on my mind?

OTOH, it may be very hard for you to imagine yourself in this chick's place, as honestly her behavior up to this point has been -- sorry, just a little bit lame. First and most importantly, the boring-ass date. Y'know, I'd even told her my story of a girl I got to know very well from a distance once, who was bright and funny and just a lot of fun, but who clammed up and became a completely different person face to face. And how very uncool that all turned out to be. Yet she goes and does the very same thing.

What is it about me, exactly?

Let me tell you guys a story, if I have not already. It's a short one. I'm out one night, drinking and carrying on, talking to lots and lots of people and generally just having the best possible time, right? I'd noticed this girl who just looked glum earlier, so at some point I'm talking to her and telling her she should at least try and enjoy herself -- you know, asking what about the current atmosphere was so danged boring, and if I could help with that at all?

How does she respond?

"... don't waste your time..."

Yes, very confused, me. She explains:

"I'm not pretty enough for you."

Now, this girl was really wasted, but she wasn't kidding. And while this certainly didn't say much of her opinion of me, really what more does it say about her? For one, I actually wasn't actively flirting with her, as I was in some sense of a "date" with someone else at the time. (One that was also going horribly, as you might guess. Well, at least for her it was.) But as well, as it turns out she was just wrong, besides the sheer boredom I'd also noticed her because she was cute.

I mean, maybe it's not about me, maybe these are issues for these individuals all by themselves. I just don't know what's the right way to respond to it.

Right, my mind's wandering, the point of the story was that maybe this mindset is hard to fathom even if you are female, if you're simply not in that place. Um. But now that I think, I suppose I'm offering evidence to disprove my own theory. Seems like not only can she really not have any clue what I'm thinking, but nor can I have any about her.

Funny epilogue to the above bar story? Esteem-issues girl turned out to be very attracted to my date, and spent the remainder of the night hitting on her/trying to attach herself to me to get to her. (Woo hoo, three way action time.) Like, whatever doubts she had about my being interested never crossed her mind about my date -- all she knew was that she wanted that girl. And would even have sex with the both of us to get her.

Hah. If you're wondering no, my life is not that exciting. My date was not bi, nor was I particularly keen on the idea. In part, ironically, because I really wasn't into my date at that point.

Life's funny, huh?

(Aside to a homie: Obviously, the king of turning off ringers understands the need for privacy and all. Just wanted to let you know my thoughts are with ya regardless. Peace out, sista.)

And peace to all'a y'all. Remember, if you're not having fun, you're not doin' it right...