And really, the stupidly over-confident and full-of-myself mindset that I have when not in the throes of chemical depression does seem to be trying to fight it's way back. It's about goddamn time, really. It's been quite a while now, and the world is not going to take over itself. Uh, that is, save itself. Somebody's gotta save the world. If not me, who?

In the meantime, tho? Signed a lease yesterday for the apartment I really wanted. S'funny, because this is actually the same complex I was about to move into two years ago, when I got laid off and got involved with married-girl and generally helped my life spiral into a horribly confusing mess. I say funny because really, every time since that I've been irritated at the place I live now, I would remember the nice, spacious apartment that would have been mine had I simply signed the lease at the time. Well, better late than never, right? Now alls I need is a means to afford the place.

Oh, and speaking of married-girl, it seems she never called the other day because she thought I'd said I was busy that day. So my half-assed efforts to stay away from her are somewhate effective after all ... used to be I'd jump so reflexively when she said to that there could be no opportunity for such confusion. Hm. Of course, having explained that I was in fact home that day (and not explaining that I kinda don't want to see her), I can now simply look forward to seeing her at the next opportunity she has to disappear for a few hours.

Y'see... of course I want to see her. Well. More than "see", really. Anyway, I want to but I'm not dumb enough to think that I should. One rather telling detail about this lady? I'm not the only guy she has wrapped around her little finger. Nor is her husband the only one. She has not one but two bosses who let her do whatever she wants, and another guy she used to work for who ... well, who apparently just gives her stuff all the time. Why? 'Cause he has money, and he can.

Now, if you're thinking I'm sounding pretty dumb, let me point some stuff out: We have a high payed lawyer, two self-employed businessmen who are in the least multi-millionaires, and a tradesman who is apparently at the top of his field in the state (you know, having people hours away who'll put off getting a job done as long as necessary, just to make certain he's the one who does it. Those are the other guys. So I don't think it's so much that any of us are stupid necessarily, so much as that she's scary smart.

And, she either really does love me or simply has my number better than anyone I've ever known before. Because she always gets exactly where I'm coming from, before I even need to explain very much. And if there's a right thing to say, she'll say it without prompting. It's kind of irritating really, because I'd much prefer to spend time with someone who's actually, y'know, available... sadly, not really getting much competition, there.

Oh, I did have a date Thursday. *shudder*. Y'know what? If you're gonna get nervous and clam up, don't expect me to fill up the silence. And if I do decide to keep talking just because you won't? The stuff I say will start to seem rather bizarre, and it will be your responsibility to be smart enough to not take the absolutely screwy things I say seriously. No matter how straightfaced or deadpan I seem. Because, you see, behaving seriously about something quite ludicrous amuses me. No, I won't stop just because you don't seem to be laughing with me. Sorry, if you're taking me seriously -- you then become the butt of the joke. And it's not my intention, you simply must know how to play along.

Also? A kiss, in the least, would be nice if you're enjoying the date. What not to do? Steer the date back to your place, if all you really intend to do is watch a rather slow-moving film. You see, I can do that by myself. It'll just make you seem boring if I'm stuck watching a movie I wouldn't be watching otherwise. And lastly, do not have me sleep in your bed, if the most you're up for is just a bit of cuddling. Don't get me wrong, I've happily slept next to many a girl and simply cuddled ... but not on a first date. A first date where we've yet to even share a peck of a kiss.

Is it just me, or was that a shitty date?

And of course, the drama at work just now begins to unfold. This is to say, the dude who doesn't like me is really starting to make himself look like a jackass. Yes, he's still Mr. Popular because he's all about the afterparties ... but on the other hand, I'm becoming increasingly popular because it's clear I'm doing my fucking job. Which is really where this a-hole is making himself look like a jerk.

When I'm the one who's actually working hard enough to sweat, while you primp in a mirror? When I'm the one who's around to answer new employee's questions or help out a coworker who needs something, while you're flirting with some skanky girl?

Yah, ya just make yourself look like a moron by trying to suggest I'm slacking off at the job. And unfortunately, it's seeming this will become an actual testosterone-fueled fued between he and I ... because really, I'm not making anywhere enough at this place to put up with his shit. And on the other hand, I'm not about to just leave the place, because I'm more useful to the security team than he is. So by default, he's making his own fears come to be true: I will become his competition for head honcho in this joint, not because I want to, but just because he's pissing me off.

Whatever you do, do not try and make my job harder. I just hate that, really.

Besides that? Everything's cool.