Well, the split between CG and I is about as official as it's going to get. Which is to say, the degree of self-debasement, groveling, and at this point outright lying that she would require before feeling satisfied is quite beyond my ability or desire to offer. Strangely enough, I do feel that if truly have done her one real disservice in the length of our relationship, it would be the degree to which I caved at every impasse in the past. Had I not, perhaps we might have really learned to listen to each other, or in the least we would have gotten it over with more quickly.In any event, I don't necessarily feel a need to return to the self-imposed isolation from the opposite sex that I'd been devoted to when I met her ... I guess we can't say it was all bad, as apparently sometime in our screwy relationship I became convinced that there might actually be some positive effect from romantic entanglements. Which is kinda strange, because to my mind I've been bitching and moaning about our relationship pretty much from the start.
Meh, in any event even if I don't feel like I need to avoid women or anything, I pretty obviously can't afford to get into another relationship or anything vaguely resembling one. For one thing, as we're remaining "friends", the emotional tangles of CG and I would almost certainly screw up anything that might try to develop immediately here ... more importantly tho, I've put the rest of my stuff on hold for too long while making CG a priority, so much so that my overall plans for the future look shaky indeed.
Basically, I just need to get my money and career stuff in better order -- you know, just the way you feed, clothe, and house yourself, is all. Piddly stuff. Anyway, some might recall that I wasn't exactly doing great in that department even when CG and I met, so ten months of blowing it off even more definitely hasn't helped. On the plus side of things, I feel much more confident, rational, and emotionally centered now than I did last year, so my ability to get my shit in order should be much improved.
So, yeah. Fucked if I know much of anything. Aint that the way of life, tho?
