I even have to be at a rehearsal dinner in a couple of hours. Once again, the joy. For those uninitiated, the problem is not that I'm just a hater in general, and unable to share in the joy of two people coming together for blah blah blah or whatever ... it's not even that it will suck to be showing up freshly single at an event designed to celebrate and consecrate lasting love. No, on top of the fact that I won't know over niney percent of those present while I stand to represent the groom's side ...

Well, what's really screwy about it all is that while I, as best man, stand to ostensibly know the groom better than everyone else save the bride, I would also (surprise!) be one who still thinks there's a fairly good chance that the groom is gay. I dunno, I stopped really giving much of a rat's ass either way months ago, somewhere in the midst of thrashing about in my own doomed relationship, but the fact remains that if you really wanted my honest opinion on the matter my best friend of sixteen years should most likely be playing for the pink team.

Eh, but whatever -- he and his soon to be wife are great friends, which is far more than we could say about some romantic relationships, right? I'm certainly no one to judge what a lasting, loving relationship is supposed to look like -- guess I'm just saying, I'd be far happier to just be one of the throng sitting and passively watching, and later getting quite drunk, as opposed to being one of those participating in the extravaganza.

Well, in other news (that isn't "news" at all, really) I've been having strains of eminem's "Superman" running through my mind for days now:

I'm single now, got no rings on these fingers now
I'll never let another woman bring me down...

What, me, bitter? Pshaw. "I do know one thing, tho ... bitches, they come they go..." Heh...

As it happens, I actually met some people just Tuesday night, only a day after my and CG's final little talk. One of them was a cute single girl who was hanging out with her two male friends ... I think she might have been a little interested, except when saying goodbye at the end of the night I called her by the other cute girl's name. This other cute girl I'd met while standing out having a cigarette, and after we had a nice conversation she left only to return a bit later after running an errand, to join me and my other three new friends.

She, also seemed vaguely interested ... but, true to my fucked up patterns, she's also struggling with what seems to be a failing marriage. CG had been in the last stages of her failed marriage back when we originally met years ago, though we didn't start dating until we met again last year. Still, trust me ... we were dealing with the stuff from that the whole time we were together.

For some reasons, married chicks really dig me. And yeah, aint that really a very good thing.

Anyhow, all of us are supposed get together again this coming Tuesday, same bat channel and all. Cute or no tho, even the one single girl wasn't really tickling my fancy. Probably just because I'm still all hung up on CG, tho part of me just says she's somehow not my type ... weird, because I haven't normally been someone who had a "type". Maybe part of the problem is that, going by appearances, she'd have to be a good ten years younger than me, so it's hard to imagine there could be too much we could really have in common...

And no, it's not like any of it matters. More, I'm just thankful for any little thing to distract me from the awkwardness of the wedding and the seething, burning turmoil I feel over the loss of CG...