My most sincere Happy Thanksgiving wishes to you all -- hopefully you will be spending Turkey Day with your family (and not being irritated by them) and being quite well fed. Myself, that's not so much in the cards this year. As I have for some time, I've a whole buttload of schoolwork to catch up on, and I'm hoping that this weekend will actually be used for that. I really imagine so, as A) I still have quite limited access to what little money I do have and B) Most of my friends will be out of town for the next few days, so there should be little to distract me.

I have had a couple of invites for Thanksgiving Dinner -- funny thing about that tho, I don't tend to enjoy spending "family" holidays with other families, because it just draws attention to the fact that I am not with my own. So maybe I'll go to a restaurant or something, but mostly I'm planning on staying home for our Day O Thanks. Well, either staying home or, should my debit card start magically working, perhaps having a few (or many) drinks. You never know. But as I say, studying is meant to be the overall focus.

But anyhow -- I was just thinking about the term "player", and how freely this term gets thrown around.

Okay, actually I was first thinking about one of my friends who last night echoed what another friend has said about me in the past, namely that she thought I was saying the things I was saying deliberately to push her buttons and piss her off.

Okay, allow me to half-heartedly defend myself here, folks: Certainly, it's not like I'm too "good" for such behavior or anything. But really, anyone who makes that assessment obviously doesn't understand me so well.

Quite directly: I'm far too self-centered to spend time, thought, or energy trying to push someone's buttons. Honestly, I realize this may be worse than if I was doing it on purpose, but the truth is that if I was around you and saying things seemingly meant to piss you off -- the fact is, I'm just not paying attention. Really.

I think any reasonable perusal of these entries would probably fairly quickly go to supporting what I say here. If you consider the overall theme of how I'm approaching people and situations -- is my focus not invariably: ME! ME! ME! ?

So yah, it's not that I'm arguing there about how great I am -- just that, if I'm going to be criticized, I'd prefer that it was an accurate criticism. I mean, who enjoys being misunderstood?

So anyhow, in thinking on this "trying to push my buttons" stuff, I was thinking about the whole player thing, because the same girl who originally said the one also said the other. (This would be C., by the way, who has actually insulted me in many other ways, too. In case you haven't been paying attention. Oh, and she has actually extended one of the T-Day invites. Yah, I'll be rushing to that one...)

So here's the thing about players: Could you honestly tell me what exactly a player is?

Now, okay. I suppose if we say, here's a guy with three or four different girlfriends, none of whom knows about the others, and he continues to try and pick up new women when given the chance -- well fine, easy enough to say that guy's a player. But, you know -- I don't know who you guys have been hanging out with, but I haven't really known too many guys like that. If I've known any, actually.

So ... for instance, last Saturday I was out with a couple of friends, and at some point two of us were discussing this other guy whom everyone in the place knows -- he's kinda always there. She was telling me that another of our friends had been there with him earlier, and as I know that particular friend is in a perpetual state of loneliness and unhappiness, I suggested that perhaps the two of them would make a good couple.

My friend replied, "Oh, but he's such a player, though."

In response to which, after a moment of consideration, I had to ask, "... um, what do you mean by player?"

Because though I don't know this guy very well, I've met him several times and he seems a pretty decent guy. In fact, he apparently cooked dinner for a couple of my friends that following Sunday -- he'd said he would a while ago, and sure enough he did. And, honestly, near every time I've ended up hanging out with him, it was because a female friend brought him along.

So my friend says, "Well, I've never seen him with the same girl twice."

Mm-Hmmm. So, would that be the proverbial nail in the coffin for you guys? Like, saying there was a dude you thought otherwise quite attractive and fun to be around and such, and he seemed to like you just as much -- would he be off your list because you've seen him with lots of other girls?

Now, I dropped the issue with my friend at the time, because frankly I'm a pretty intuitive person -- I'd honestly give it at least 1/4 odds that she'd actually had some kind of fling with him in the past, and thus her assessment. But you know -- our opinions of our ex-lovers can tend to be a bit jaded, right?

So leaving aside the possibility of your already being heartbroken over the guy -- and let us assume as well that you don't have other girls hanging around telling you how he's screwed them over ... if you're really only given that he seems to know lots of different girls, or even that he meets new women easily -- would that necessarily mean that he is a player?

So what I was thinking -- okay, if you went by more precise definitions, what should you then consider in defining a "player"?

Well, it seems most plain to me that a player would have to be "one who plays". So the question becomes -- what kind of playing are we talking about?

And here is where I suppose I'm questioning if perhaps the term is thrown about a bit freely. Since generally speaking if someone is called a player by someone else it's usually not a compliment, we would have to guess that whatever this person is "playing" is somehow detrimental to those he plays with.

Right. So the whole dating/relationships thing is obviously something that can be pretty unpleasant for boys and girls alike. And by and large, none of us likes it when the hardhships we experience come because someone is "playing games" with us.

And when we say someone is playing games -- don't we generally mean they are somehow being somewhat less that forthright? I mean, they are at least dileberately misleading if not outright lying?

Now yeah, if a guy is doing that, then by all means, I should consider it fair enough to call him a player. Leading you to believe one thing when he actually intends something else altogether would definitely seem something he could "play" at that would be detrimental to the other person.

But to touch again on the guy in the bar my friend was talking about that night -- as I said, every time I've spent time with him, it was because he was tagged along with one female friend or another. I mean, that's how I met him -- girls seem to like this guy in general, and until this past weekend I'd never heard or sensed any negative criticism of him.

So getting to the heart of the matter, let us suppose that he is in fact sleeping around. Or in the least, that he goes easily enough from one girl to another, without ever committing to any.

Is he unavoidably a player in consideration of that? I'm afraid I would have to differentiate just a bit further.

Because suppose he is going easily enough from one girl to the next, without ever committing -- but, he never does anything to try and convince any of these women that he would necessarily consider committing in the first place?

Now, back when C. had thrown this tag out on me, I was talking about it a bit later with my friend B., and when I brought that point up, she said something along the lines of, "Well ... even if you don't directly say it, if a girl really likes you she might hope that it'll turn into something really serious."

By "really serious", of course, we mean "exclusive and committed". Which is really all fine and good -- but if a boy never claims he wants either of those, if he in fact warns that at least in a general theoretical sense he specifically does not want that -- would this guy still be "playing" you if he showed some interest in you?

Now granted -- if you tell him that you would only want to be involved with someone if it would be under those conditions -- then yeah, even if he's said that's not what he wants, you might still assign some blame to him when things go sour.

But in assigning this blame, I'm afraid it wouldn't go all to him. If you both say what you want, you go ahead and get involved, and neither of you changes what you want -- still no one has lied, and while he could perhaps have been more considerate or sensitive to the repercussions for you, you'd still ultimately be an adult and responsible for your own choices.

Now. Let us suppose that you meet said hot guy, you get along fabulously, he makes it clear that he'd honestly be surprised if he ended up in a seriously relationship, and you two do become involved. And let us suppose that you like this guy so much that you begin hoping that it will be a lasting and committed sort of thing.

Is the dude a player if it doesn't turn out that way? I mean, even if he never did anything to suggest that it would?

I guess what I'm asking -- is the guy necessarily responsible for just understanding that "women are different", and thus will feel differently about these things than a man will?

MmHm. See, I've just a little problem with that one. To draw an analogy, when I was hired for my last job it was a contract-to-possible-hire sort of position. And, as I came to see that everyone at this company apparently just loved working there, I did sort of hope that my employment there might be lasting. Well, it wasn't. Was I somehow led astray by those who hired and fired me, then?

Certainly, they might easily guess that things did not turn out the way I might have wished. But as they never did promise they'd stick with it and make sure it lasted, regardless if it didn't seem to be working out for them -- how much can I really complain?

And really, obviously this analogy only goes so far. Because for one thing -- I don't think you could actually expect a guy to just "understand" what you will feel and want. Because as far as that goes, I'd say I've been "played" a million times more than I've ever played anyone.

Not every girl will want a committed and lasting thing, at least not with every guy she gets involved with. Sometimes, she's just a girl who really likes sex, and you seem like a worthy partner for that particular passtime.

For instance, the girl I met Saturday night, who did not call Sunday night. She made a point to say that she did not "pick me up" that night, because she was not that kind of person. She really did not do this kind of thing. And, she was actually really sad, because once she went back home we would probably never see one another again.

Um. But as I say, she didn't call the next day. So I'm really rather left thinking I was just something fun for one night. But you see, that's just it -- I'm not complaining.

If I would complain, it would only be because she seemed to talk one way and behave another -- but really, for me, she need not have bothered. Because yes, I do have feelings, and yes, I can tend to sometimes fall for people pretty easily. But I'm also not stupid, and generally I'm not going to assume someone has serious feelings until I've seen some evidence of that. And I don't have to have that evidence, necessarily, to sleep with someone.

I guess what I'm saying, in short, is that I am not at all a player -- but I am really am very easy.

Honestly, at heart I always have been. And I've had female friends who were, too -- the only difference is, they have tended to consider "easy" an insult. Because I suppose it sounds quite a lot like "slutty" -- but I don't really think it's the same.

You see, by "easy" I mean just that -- it isn't that you are going out trying to get laid all the time, and trying to pick up lots of different people. However, if someone else is trying to get laid by picking you up -- just that it generally doesn't tend to be too difficult.

And it's not with me, really. And no, I'm not under the illusion that this is somehow impressive or good, I'm just being honest. I like pretty girls, I like sexy girls, funny girls, smart girls, wild girls, shy girls -- really, I think it's pretty fair to say that I like girls in general. So, unless someone has a particular abundance of nasty traits about them, nine times out of ten I'm a pretty good bet for an easy lay. And just as often, I will probably not expect that it means anything other than what it immediately seems to mean.

Now, I ask -- would this make me a player?

"Hey, here's a woman I find myself quite attracted to -- I think maybe I'll flirt with her. Hey, whaddya know, she seems quite attracted to me in return..."

Should I, at this point, imagine that I am perhaps emotionally or mentally superior to this woman, so much so that I understand what the both of us want and what will make us happy than she does?

Nah. I really don't think so, kids. And if you do, I'm afraid I'd have to call you just a bit sexist -- tho if you're being more sexist to women or men, I could not really say.

But yeah, that's the end of my ponderings on players and such. You know, now that I think about it, I think I've probably did an entry about this sometime in the past. Oh well. If I don't remember, I find it highly unlikely that any of you will.

But yeah -- guys or girls out there, if you're really pretty easy, hell be proud about it. To me, "easy" doesn't so much mean undiscerning as simply generous. And how can that be a bad thing?

And if you yourself are not easy, yet you are single and would hope to avoid the players -- I'd probably suggest that you just find yourself someone who's easy, at least until you get someone who'll be somewhat more committed. I mean, you never know if your "easy" person might actually start to fall for you -- but they probably won't, and likewise they probably won't ever really "leave" you the way a player would.

I guess the only thing is, "easy" people will more times than not make better "friends with benefits" than boyfriends or girlfriends.

Because I mean, for myself -- I don't necessarily think I'd be doing someone a kindness to get into a serious relationship with them. Hey, I didn't pick my name here randomly folks -- I really am just a little odd, and honestly a lot of people can find that kind of hard to relate to in the long run. Witness the long term friends who still misinterpret why I seem to be pissing them off. It shouldn't be "quit pushing my buttons" but "quit being so self-centered".

Yah. Like that'll ever happen.