First of all, if you're reading this first, you should read the the previous entry just to catch up on the drama that has been my life for the past couple weeks. Or, if you're all about bring on the free-spirited pornographers, then just read on.

First of all, I wanna say about the last post that while the majority of me is definitely still "oh shit"-ing it because my money issues stopped being lighthearted at all months ago, the fact is that I can't really regret not taking that job. And it's not the ick factor that makes me say that, it's more the larger issues at work. Should I take this job just because I need the money? More to the point, should we have to take any job just so we can have food and shelter?

I could just do service-industry stuff, but that would only take away from my "career" aspirations. And while yeah, our world being what it is, the money aspect of that would be a part of it. But the real point is, here I'm someone who wants to utilize the talents apparently native to me, utilize them in a way that should ideally help people, not in some grand abstract way like how Einstein's stuff advanced science ... we're talking palpable, right here, right now, in your life making a difference. I want to do that, I am gifted to do that.

Is there something wrong in the world if I should be made to feel like I have to do the most abhorrent things if I want to eventually (possibly) get to do the things I was meant to?

And yeah, some of you are wondering where exactly the porn comes in to all of this. Probably all of you. Pervs.

Well, it's not directly related, but being the association god that I am, I can kind of work it in.

See, someone commented on this entry and agreed with me that porn is not necessarily the devil's work, because after all women (those in porn this would be) do have free will. Which, of course, is one of my main issues with the feminist critque that I got from CG ... it was patently deciding the women in/teaching these classes are simply better equipped to know what choices women should make ... at least, better equipped than the ones who get naked and fuck on camera.

So yeah, I don't agree with that, I do agree (partially) with the lovely young lady who responded to my ramblings. Where I disagree is that she said something along the lines of, if she had a better body she'd consider doing some homegrown porn herself.

Well, first of all, good for you. I mean, really. It's just sex. Everybody who can does it. It feels great, it's good for your health. And a healthy libido is good for your mental health, in my not-so-professional opinion. If you need some professional backup: the absence of a sex drive is still considered abnormal by psychology as a profession. If you're cool with it, nobody's gonna hunt you down. (And at times, I've wished I had no libido and was cool with it.) But the fact is, not desiring or enjoying sex is still about as natural as not wanting or enjoying food ... we are physical creatures, and this is a Good Thing.

In my mind, porn should be a celebration of sexuality. It's not, because pretty much everyting in our world is ruled by profit, but at least for right now in any place with enough profit, this translates to some freedom within the venture.

All this to say, you don't need a hot body to do porn. Believe me, I've watched enough porn to know what I'm talking about. You might need a "perfect" body to feel comfortable doing porn, and if you're not comfortable it's all good. See, I have this theory that without the possibility of starving and destituion to guide them, pretty much there's a place (that is, a job) for near everybody that they shouldn't mind so much. Of course, this theory also includes that some jobs not come with such huge stigma ... if we could actually respect people for doing their jobs well, even when it's a job we don't want or couldn't do -- respect them enough to pay them as if their job mattered -- again, I think there's a place for everybody.

Those ladies I worked with that one day both had two jobs. How much happier could they be if they could supply everything they and their families wanted and needed with just the one?

Anyway, what you need to be good in porn isn't a hot body. You just have to be hot mentally. Like ... someone I'm not going to link to, but you know who you are. The thing is, we are so overwhelmed with our hollywood-ized images of beauty. This is part of the reason for the boom in "homegrown" porn in the first place. People want to see real people, with real bodies. Reality, in the end, is always a lot hotter than fantasy.

And, tho I've admired many a nice rack or onion bottom in my time, the fact is that looks will never make a porn superstar. Your personality is what makes you hot. And yes, this comes through on camera. This is part of why I actually do admire the few porn performers that I do. Check out Tiffany Mynx and Aurora Snow. There are others, but both these ladies impress me in that, 1) if they actually are basketcases, they do a pretty darned good of covering it up. Once again, my point is not that they must be perfectly sane, only that they are at least as sane as anyone else. And 2) tho this is clearly a job, apparently they like what they do for a living.

I mean, porn is infamous for bad acting, and there's good reason for that. From the moaned "oh yeah give it to me"s to the actual scripted lines, most acting in porn is pretty darned stilted. If these ladies are good enough to fake passion that well, they could easily be doing other things. Maybe not as a movie star, but convincing acting is called for in a lot of professions. If you can take, "I'm not too concerned, I'm here to be payed and know I will be, and hey, if I can have some fun in the meantime I damn will intend to" and have, on camera, sex I'd probably be intimated to try in real life: hey, you're doing a service to the rest of us, and I can only respect you for that. Show us how it's done.

Not that I'm expecting anyone to run out and become porn models or anything, I just wanted to say. I think there's a lot of reasons why most women wouldn't do porn, and I think feeling like your body's not up to it is just one of them. Hell, I haven't seen your body, you could be right.

But again, I've been left ... ahem, limp as it were ... by some gorgeous people who were obviously just going through the motions. Likewise, there's ladies I wouldn't have looked at twice whether they were clothed or naked if they were just standing there, but once they started speaking or ... yeah, acting ... couldn't look away.

... um ...

I was just stopped for a full minute at least there. See, that job wouldn't have worked. When something bad is happening, you go to your Happy Place. My Happy Place has naked women in it! No, NO disabled older women intruding on the happy place, please...

Heh, if you're thinking I'm neurotic ... well, you're probably right.

Anyway, the truth is that, though I've never done it, I've always thought the idea of a woman willing to make homegrown porn was hot. Taken down a notch from that, a woman who's willing to just be naked is fantastic. I'm not talking in public, I'm sure that's just asking too much. I'm saying, I've been with women who will sex you up, but still don't want you seeing them naked in plain light. And that's just not right.

Screw beauty, perfection is in the eye of the beholder. And having said that, it becomes obvious that we cannot predict who we might be perfect for. They might not even know it at first. But the lady I did not link to earlier? I don't just know that she's smart, funny, sensitive, and compassionate as a person. I also know she has a sexuality that gets me harder than chinese algebra. And I'm saying, if all I was doing was watching, that's what would make me a lifetime fan. If that kind of passion could actually be brought to onscreen performance, I'm saying it is actually a gift.

And don't miss the point, since I don't imagine a lot of future porn stars will be reading: I'm not disregarding physical attractiveness, it does count, I'm just saying we can't know who's attracted to us. Especially, I think, for us straight folks. If you don't even like mangoes, how likely are you to know a tasty one when you see it?