So, for some strange reason, I actually did enjoy my interview today, though I am of the definite opinion that I'm not about to get that job anyway. It's a crying shame too, because it's a nice stable nine-to-fiver, working actually out in the community, working with folks who live independently but suffer from severe and persistent mental illness. No "cleaning" involved here, this one actually seems right up my alley. The guys I'd be helping out are apparently even charming in their own ways, if you can believe the interviewer.

Of course, it's all kind of moot, seeing as this was a management position that required a Master's degree, or at least a Bachelor's and a few years experience. I can actually see the problem myself -- how should those working under my total lack of experience supervising whatever years they have?

If simple common sense would not have made it plain I can't get that job, at least I was told in a most pleasant way. Basically, by the end of the interview she's telling me about some other position which from the sound of things fits better, and saying she'll give me a call about that one. That would be nice, hell really any job would be nice at this point...

Heh, I know, clearly I can't say that after my last couple posts. But this other job as well is one working with the mentally ill as opposed to the developmentally disabled, which approaches what my actual career interests only in the most peripheral sense.

Speaking of my last entries, I don't believe I made my point about Not Being Slaves very well. My apologies, but it was late at night, and if it's not clear from reading those two posts I wasn't perfectly sober when I began writing. I was pretty well falling asleep at the keyboard by the time I was done.

So just to clarify a bit: I think it's far too easy to see nothing but closed doors. It's too easy in the world to feel like we have only this very narrow range of opportunities, or perhaps that we don't really have much actual choice at all, that we can only take whatever chance fate throws to us be happy it came at all.

Now, on the one hand I'm all about being as happy as you can with whatever you have. I mean, it only makes sense -- we can't control the world or other people, so clearly we won't get our way in most things. Still, this is a far cry from being trapped by circumstance, which I think is far too easy a thing to feel. And, pardon my cynicism here, but I believe that a part of why that's so easy is that it serves the status quo to have us feel that way. And that's why I say Not Slaves.

Whether I mean taking a job that might honestly haunt you -- which, let's be direct here, I'm screwy enough as it is -- or not making your own sexy pictures or videos because someone who looks like you isn't supposed to ... and yeah, that one seems kinda out of left field to me at this point to me too. But the point remains that we're not limited, not in that way.

Perhaps I can't suddenly be a billionaire. Perhaps I can't magically change the things I think are wrong with my country. But I do still have a tremendous amount of choice in my life. I can choose what I do with me, as we all can. Yes, every choice comes with a consequence. The problem is that we are trained to imagine the worst possible consequences, and therefore feel limited by trying to avoid them.

For intance ... bit of confession time here, I do love some crappy television ... sometimes late at night I'll catch that one dating show where they fix people up on blind dates? Well I caught one where the two daters were 50ish or so, and the guy was all uptight and closeminded, and the girl was this kind of crazy free spirit. Hijinks ensued, as she kept trying to get him to do things that he simply would not. And at some point, apparently the death knell of their chances together, she told him that she'd starred in a few bondage-related porn films.

It wasn't out of the blue in her case, they'd started talking on sex which led into bondage since she was into it, which led to the revelation that she was a minor porn star. He was obviously flabbergasted, but tried to reason it away by saying a lot of us do dumb things when we're younger, and she could at least be thankful that she'd grown so much smarter since.

The punchline being, of course, that she hadn't done these videos when she was younger, but within the last couple years. Yeah, he kinda just stopped talking at that point. And in the post-date bit, just explained how disgusted or whatever he was about the whole thing. But frankly, in my opinion the guy ended up looking like kind of a loser while she looked a helluva lot cooler. Not only would I consider myself darn lucky to find someone with such a free spirit if I'm still single at their age, but honestly I can't say I'd rule out the possibility of dating such a woman if I met her now.

I guess I'm saying what people will think only matters so much, finacial stuff (relevant to yours truly) only matters so much, whatever bad consequences you can imagine only matter so much. And they're almost certainly not as bad as we can imagine. That is the modern day slavery -- to convince the masses that the circumstances of the world plus their particular history equals quite limited choices. Remember the proto-goth girl from The Breakfast Club, when she's saying she can run away and live in India, Afganistan, whatever? Yes, it was only a movie, and only teenage wishful thinking in a movie at that, but she was right anyway.

From one objective perspective, I should be quite worried and upset at the state of my life. But if I remember nothing else of all the wisdom I've encountered in my life, I remember this: Things Change. That's just the nature of reality. And so long as it is so, our pasts don't have to determine our future. In other words, we do have choices. More than we imagine, usually.

Of course, I don't really have the choice to get that management gig. But I did have the choice to enjoy the interview anyway.