"You are just so nice. Could you even try to be mean?"

Y'know really, being mean isn't that tough a gig. As a matter, the most eloquently I've heard that said, "It doesn't take a talent to be mean." Now, actually being kind in all the noisy confusion of the world? That takes some practice.

I'm gonna tell you a little story. Or at least, I'll glance over it real quick. I do suspect it's a topic I'll write more about in the future, because I've been thinking about this for some time. The short version, tho? Okay, I'll try.

Once upon a time, I decided that kindness was a sucker's game, and supposed that the world could only value that which was after its own fashion -- thus being greedy, petty, materialistic, short-sighted and selfish are transformed into virtues. I know, I was as surprised as anyone. But, having reached these conclusions by as reasonable a mind as I could bring to bear, I saw no option but to heed them.

So how did it go, my foray into willfull carelessness? Well, better than you might imagine. I was actually really quite angry at the time -- a nice festering mixture, actually, of maybe 3/4 pure seething venom kept nicely bubbling by the approx 1/4 of soul-deep hurt and betrayal. Yeah, this would be the aftermath of a particular heartbreak that I believe I've referenced before. In any event, justified or no, I was nursing a nice boiling pot of negative emotions that both fueled and sustained my newfound conviction that people simply ain't no good.

And as it turns out? The world actually goes easier for you if you're an uncaring, heartless, bitter and vengeful spirit. The sad truth of the matter, and really it wasn't one that surprised me, was this: The world is a mystery box of goodies waiting to shower you for free, if you're simply willing to adopt an attitude to screw others before they can screw you. Really, being a pre-emptive asshole rewards you, in the vast majority of cases, with the first and most decisive blow of any conflict. Go forth into the world attacking randomly, viciously, and unvaryingly, and you're welcome to a whole banquet of ill-won rewards.

And I was the worst kind of asshole, too. The kind that wasn't gruff or mean or surly or threatening at all. The kind, in fact, who seem unflappable and elusive and mysteriously detached from all detail -- you know, of course they've no idea the pain they're causing, because their perspective is too shallow to allow for anything so deep? That kind.

So the real answer to the playful questions? Yes, I could be a lot meaner. But it takes an awful lot of energy, and in the end we'll both like me a lot less.