Must call my family. Have had my ringer off and answering machine volume all the way down for about a week and a half now. Somewhere in there I had a birthday, for which no one (friend or family) yet has been able to actually wish me a happy one in person. I can be a little unusual sometimes, I guess.

So yeah, the second "week" of the job starts tonight, so really I should sleep in a bit later if I want to be actually energetic till 3-4 am. Also starting today are my dependency treatment meetings ... funny the way things work, to contradict what I just said a moment ago, I did call one person in the later hours last night finally, the one who'd actually called two days early to ask what was a good time to call me on my birthday. (You see, it's not that I'm ignoring those who called -- it's just taking an unusually long time to get back to them.)

So I'm talking to this girl, very old friend, and she's saying how her church chior group is full of recovering alchoholics, and there's no way she's going there again. Actually, it would be kind of the first time she went "there", as the bad experiences she's had were with a guy who was nowhere near recovering, and still is not. But I suppose the talk and consideration of it (oh, now I remember -- we'd went in this direction because I'd told her how I've not drank for a couple of months) ... all this made me say, "Well. I don't think I was ever actually an alchoholic, do you?"

She says, "No, you don't know Bill W., do you?"

*sigh*. Apparently my code-word answer was supposed to be, "Never met the man." But, if I'd actually had any idea what the fuck she was talking about, a more honest answer would be, "Haven't met him, yet."

So she's goes with the idea that you have to have been in treatment to be an alchoholic. Which, as it happens, I don't believe is true at all. I mean, when I was drinking a lot, I was always fond of that joke: I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings. Or actually, my favorite saying was, "I don't have a drinking problem, except when I can't have a drink."

But really, kinda makin my point here. There's tons of people out in the bars nightly (and daily), whose lives are pretty much dominated by booze, who've never been to a meeting. I mean, there's people who drink themselves to death without ever going to a meeting ... couldn't really theorize that those people were healthy, right?

But of course, I'm being slightly defensive here. Because the connotation seemed to be that there was some negative aspect to going to some kind of treatment meetings -- you know, as opposed to just saying you'll stop or cut down, but never doing it. The ironic thing in all this, of course, is that I'm not going in because of booze ... haven't had actually any desire to drink for months. Well, except for a few times when everyone else was drinking, and I just felt socially awkward to not have anything sitting in front of me ... I mean, by the end of the night, other people had quit drinking, too. Man, being sober is such a buzzkill.

But yeah, it's ironic also because the place to which I'm going is primarily for alcoholics, in fact they've mostly tried to argue with me to insist I'm only playing down my own drinking problems. Given my family history and especially my own life history, I can see why they'd think that. What they don't know is that I've suddenly and permanently kicked habits before. It's weird how I can sometimes do that.

Can't do it with the nugs tho, and that's why I'm going there. Kinda hoping I'm not the only 'head in the place. But then, it's really not so much a social vacation or anything anyway, is it? In fact it'll probably kind of suck. I'll tell you what tho, I'm glad it's not a 12-step program. I mean, I know that stuff helps people, but really, doing all that seems like such a pain in the ass. Apparently the 12th step suggests not getting involved with anyone for a year. I mean, theoretically I'm okay with that. But what if you meet someone who's really really cool??

But, I don't actually know what my own program entails, so I suppose I should not be glad just yet. Oh, right ... I was gonna say. When I last met these guys, over two weeks ago, they said how they ask you to abstain the entire time you're in the program. Okay, s'cool, I think.

But guess what I've been doing, um ... pretty much up till just this moment?

Still considering exactly how honest I want to be with that one.