Most of those in my reading list have not updated in over 3 months. Which, y'know, I could complain about if Passing Strange was not in the same boat. And of those who have updated, one of them is locked and I know she's basically moved on to journaling elsewhere on the web. Which really isn't a bad idea, and one I think I may take inspiration from...

Of course, that would require actually -- y'know, thinking about stuff and bothering to write. When I started here, I did that plenty. That obviously dropped off around when Crazy Girl was in my life, and just quit altogether in the dark days that followed.

I'm feeling much better now, though.

I'm taking a break from playing my online game, just because my life was in a shambles outside of it. Yeah, just because of that. I know, I could be over-reacting.

But I am in a relationship now, and it's kind of a strange one but still far healthier than my previous one. My lady is literally old enough to be my mom, but believe it or not there is not any weird "mommy" stuff going on or anything ... actually, one of the things I really like is that I get to feel like more of an old-fashioned, traditional guy with her. Nothing at all against all you 30ish and younger girls -- hey, I've loved you all my life thus far -- but honestly, for this little trooper at least, there's quite a bit of confusion on the roles in relationships and all.

I mean, we want to be equals, right? No problems there -- hell, my Ladyfriend grew up during all that bra-burning, equal-pay-for-equal work jazz. And has in fact lived a life as a corporate exec, so it's not like there's any of that "the men are talking now" crap going on. Though I may well make a joke or two along those lines just to razz her. Nope, the thing is, somehow even with being assertive and independent and all that, she seems to have a much clearer concept of what the guy is supposed to do and what the girl is supposed to do in a relationship. Which makes it much easier for me because, y'know, I didn't really have much of a freaking clue.

It's kinda like ... I work with this girl who's newly turned 23. And this girl is, in a word, just slutty. Oh, I don't think she means to be. I don't think she even realizes that she is. The problem seems to be that she has this revolving cloud of boys surrounding her at all times. Friends and boyfriends, ex's and potentials. And however negative my use of the "s" word may seem, I can't really fault her or her crowd for being as they are. The truth is that it's all too familiar -- looks just like my life, in fact.

But that's my point -- I think we threw out the oldschool ways that men and women did this sort of thing, and the problem is we didn't have anything to replace it. How can anything but confusion follow?

But I digress, as I'm wont to do. I have no answers on any of this, I'm just glad that for the time being at least, I seem to be in a stable relationship. And coming out of that, I seem to be becoming more stable myself.

No more work/disappear into a virtual world.

I've started going back to the gym, and it is good.

I've devised a plan (yeah, a year later) for how I can actually finish my degree. Yay, me.

I'm getting a better handle on my finances. I'm still poor and work too much, but at least I'm willing to look directly at the insanely bleak picture.

I'm at least becoming more aware of exactly how I have neglected actual human relationships in favor of leveling up my online characters. Who are all insanely cool by the way, even if they are on hold.

And hey -- I updated here.

I'll figure out what to do, journaling-wise. Writing every day is good for any growing kid, and my own thinking is never as clear as when I actually put it into words. So I may be back.