What I distinctly remember is how I did take it as a criticism or insult, and how I'd rant to my friends about how these women were just off-handedly attacking someone who had until then been completely civil to them. Many times did I claim that the next time some lady were to ask me, "Are you a player?" after only a few minutes of conversation with me, I would respond, "Are you a slut?"

I never did that of course, but at the time I felt it would be roughly the emotional equivilant of what they said to me. Thing is, I have reflected on the word since, and on what exactly is it supposed to mean -- and I guess I decided that it should be one of those words that you kind of claim as your own, in order to take away the potential hurtfullness of it. The same way, actually, some women have claimed terms like "slut", really. You may attach your own connotations, effectively defining the word's social context for yourself.

Now right, essential to where "player" is an insult is the idea that this essentially means someone who is dishonest -- someone who is by definition full of bullshit, because he will apparently say anything, will and has uttered whatever pretty lie necessary to get whatever woman into his bed.

Okay, I was never that guy. And that's why I was offended.

So what do I mean when I say "player phase"? Going to the root of the word -- that's the only period of my life where I actually did view sex, and sexual relationships, as essentially a game ... as something done purely for the fun of it, and something not to be taken seriously.

Now, where the term still is not a completely positive one to me, and where it's not how I've thought for most of my life? Well, during that time, as far as I was concerned mere physical sexual attraction was itself enough to hop in bed with someone -- and any other considerations were negligible. For the rest of my life before and after that period, actually liking someone was really a baseline for even considering getting horizontal.

That is, physical intimacy has generally seemed closely linked to emotional intimacy, so being emotionally intimate with someone I'm personally at odds with wouldn't enter the equation. You wanna at least be friends with somebody you're doing the nasty with, right?

Right, but not during that period for me. I didn't care, because as opposed to being open to a deeper emotional connection if it developed (as I've been for most of my life) at that point I was completely opposed to the idea. I didn't want anything lasting because really I didn't believe it was possible ... I would and did accept ongoing sexual relationships with a few people when we actually did like each other, but I was always clear about the fact that friendship was as deep as I was willing or able to go with it.

Which, really, is the key factor to why I was offended at strange women seeming to insinuate that I was less than sincere. I wasn't. What they were responding to was that I would just walk up and tell them they were beautiful or something ... I actually don't recall whatever I was saying, but I actually could be quite flattering and very charming easily enough, just by telling the truth. Remember that my clear cut and outfront goal was just sex ... I never needed to lie about myself because if I was flirting with you it meant my entire focus was just discovering if there was a possibility of hopping into bed with you, and if so how quickly it could happen.

Yeah, that seems a bit crude to me in retrospect, but still I was never dishonest. I never did, for instance, tell a girl that I loved her to get her into bed. I was never misleading about starting a relationship. And I didn't lie about my having any relationships with any other women ... I never went out of my way to tell someone if I had done or was doing someone else, but I always did make it clear that I considered myself single and thus free to pursue whoever I wanted.

So, in short: I approached pretty much any woman who caught my eye, flirted with her purely to find out if there was a chance or not, and if there was pretty much said, "Hey, isn't sex fun, and wouldn't it be great if the two of us got it on?"

Sometimes it worked. What I don't actually like about myself at that time is that I was fully aware that even hearing exactly what I was saying some of the women would still end up hoping for more, and I really just did not care. I said that I was irritated, and that was in fact what bugged me -- that the sort of guy I was being at the time actually did seem pretty exciting to a lot of women, and that I was exactly what some of them would pursue for a relationship.

It still doesn't make sense to me that someone who clearly marks himself as unavailable should be preferable over someone who might be available, but these days I guess I more just don't care. I discovered that for all the incredible fun of it, sex usually isn't just a game for me. In the end, it can really just end of being more a hassle than anything else, especially if you're getting involved with someone you don't like or care about.

So yeah, it is still for me not the best thing that I could possibly be, but I don't have a problem with copping to having indulged in behaviors can easily earn the label "player" -- just so long as we're clear on what we mean by that.

Playing with sex like it's something without consequences or connections to the rest of life? Yes. Being deceitful, malicious, or manipulative? No.