And while I've been wondering about all of this, I've taken a personal-habits approach to considering how I got to my present situation as opposed to a personal-circumstances one. After all, whatever the circumstances the world would impose, to some degree my response to what the world dishes helps create the final situation.

And what's funny? What I came up with were things that are, taken by themselves, positive traits.

For one, I'm determinantly carefree. Once upon a time I was a perpetual worrier, but really that's just not healthy for you. I mean, mentally or physically. Stress will kill you in the long run, and in the short run it tends to freeze you up from seeing possible solutions. So as much as I can, so much that it's reflexive now, I don't sweat the small stuff and try to keep an eye on the Big Picture.

Two, I'm steadfastedly independent. This one even to a fault. I don't like asking for help, and as far as money goes I'll screw myself dearly with credit card debt and such before I'll ask a helping hand from friends or family. Though, I have to admit, this is one rule I'm going to break for the first time soon, because I can see no other option. Anyway, I imagine this lifelong tendency is the result of being the youngest of six children -- growing up being treated like the one who always needs help will tend to make you want to never ask for it, yes?

Lastly, I'm very proud. Incredibly proud. Stupidly, stubbornly, excessively proud. This relates to the independence in that while I will tend not to ask for help if at all possible, I have been able to accept help when it's offered -- but only under my own terms. In short, I'd rather be helpless, pathetic, and destitute than admit that I am. This, undoubtedly, comes from having grown up poor. Where I grew up, there were always those who would (out of desperation) do whatever necessary -- lie, cheat, steal, beg -- to get just a little bit further ahead. Plainly put, I didn't grow up on a family that grokked on that. Better to be screwed but have integrity than ... well, I guess that's the issue. From my worldview, you can't be "okay" if you don't have integrity.

This isn't a matter of integrity from others' view, by the way. Because, frankly, there are some who will never give you the respect that you deserve, simply because they won't. No, this is the integrity you must have for yourself -- you know better than anyone if you truly deserve respect, and nothing has weighed more heavily upon me than the times I've acted in a way that I myself cannot respect. And integrity requires that I admit there's been a few times. Alas, I am not completely perfect.

So yeah -- carefree, independent, and proud. Think about it ... unless you're independently wealthy, this is a lethal combination.

So I guess I just better work on that wealthy part, huh?