Something funny I noticed tonight, tho? And I mean, it sounded like a joke when I thought it in my head, except the train of thought was actually totally serious. There was something that happened tonight that, from a certain perspective, we could easily describe as less-than-good. So I was actually starting to feel a little bad about it as I thought about it, and actually started to think, "... I feel really bad."

But just after that, I realized, "Wait. No, I really don't."

And the reason for the confusion was kind of surprising... basically, I caught myself becoming upset because I'd normally have been upset. And by normally, we mean for most of our time on earth, here. But it was really weird for me to realize, actually pausing to really consider where I was coming from, that I honestly didn't care. And really, I'm thinking that's kind of a good thing.

Because there's two things people have said about me often enough in my life to irritate me. Both irritating because realistically, you wouldn't think one can do either one of these. One of them I heard just a week or so ago: "You think too much." Whatever, I say to that one. Nope, if you think I think too much, it's just because you think too little. So there.

The other one, tho, is even more irritating: "You're too nice." Okay. So how exactly does that translate, except "embrace your inner asshole" or something to that effect? I mean, you have a person who's likely to feel bad for something as simple as not letting someone else treat them badly ... you know, like I'd stand up for myself, but then feel bad about the negative impact doing so may have on the other person. Okay, maybe that really is too nice. In any event, seems I don't have to worry about it anymore, at least for the present.

I think my job as a Professional Party Pooper has helped in this regard. Just recently I was reading a diary where someone mentioned getting a fake ID ... and because I was not sober at the time, my response was pretty much reflexive: But these are the rules. There's simply no not following the rules. That's bad. Just do as you're told, and everything's gravy.

S'funny, because I have many people telling me I'm the nicest or most polite security guy, people telling me I'm their favorite ... and you know, distracting as it is, plenty of kisses and hugs and such. But still with all that, there's the people who look at you with hatred in their eyes for politely asking they follow the exact same rules everyone else does. And pretty much, just this quickly it's gotten to where I don't feel bad or any desire to argue/explain in the slightest. Because basically I spend all night sober, telling people to do or not do the same things over and over.

Though I've yet to actually say it yet, really the idea is if it's such a pain in the ass, just don't come to the place. Makes sense, right?

Don't get me wrong, tho -- tonight as I was telling some guy not to do that, he was like, "Oh come on, but it's fun. If you were hanging out, you'd want to do it, right?"

And yeah, he was right. I told him as much, but there was one problem: "I'm not hanging out, I'm working." And basically, if I'm not yelling at customers about stuff, I'm being yelled at in my ear piece about stuff. And that gets really old. Especially when someone's arguing with you as you're being yelled at in one ear.

So apparently, my respect for the simple suckiness of circumstances has toned down my bleeding-heartedness just a bit. No complaints there, really. It's kind of like the friends who leave angry pseudo-insulting messages about not hanging out with them -- really, all it's done is make me want to hang out even less. And yeah, it's kinda a new thing, that I don't feel guilty in the slightest about that.

We're not obligated to hang out with people just because they like us, right? I mean, shouldn't that have to be a mutual sort of a thing?