I was just about to go to class tonight when LBF called to see what I was up to. For one, nice recalling that I'm in school. But we discussed this past weekend, when she'd invited me out but then passed out and was put on someone's couch way before I ever showed up. Those I ended up spending the night with were pretty much that group of friends who'd pissed me off so effectively last year, over the ill-conceived relationship that ended at entry, "Was That A Breakup?"So I'm mentioning to her how (okay, not surprisingly) I don't seem to be among A.'s favorite people to see these days. And at some point I tell her how realistically, I blame that whole group for the way that relationship went at least as much as I blame myself.
But oh no. Apparently, A. and all those who were way more involved than they should have all behaved perfectly -- I'm the stereotypically heartless male bastard who toyed with A.'s heart and left her a shattered husk of a woman.
Y'know, as I'm even now avoiding class and am way beyond pissed and through with this topic, I won't even try and explain how much crap all that is. What I will say is this: I hate all those people, so much... yeah, I can no longer say my friends are not my friends, because screw all those guys. If I never see them again it'll be too soon. I wondered earlier how my life got so screwed up. Well, hanging out with people who are utterly convinced I'm amoral and irredeemable might have just a little bit to do with it.
Geez. The screwed up part is that these jerks all still call me. Hell, one of them was even trying to fix me up with one of her friends this past weekend. And why, considering what an a-hole I apparently am?
Hates them. Hates them so much, precious. Unlike what I've seen from nearly every one of them, I do not lash out at others when I am happy, nor do I blind myself to others' suffering so long as it serves me. Which, ironically, is what I'm accused of in this situation. The amount of crap I've put up with over these people is horrendous to consider. You know, we're supposed to want friends. But really, there comes a point when one has to simply decide they may be better off alone.
And now I have a headache behind my left eye. And am nearly an hour late for class. Thanks so much, LBF. You're such a freakin sweetheart, really.
Y'know, if only I were a sociopath, I think I'd be planning a killing spree right about now ... damn whatever genes gave me an only slightly off-kilter psyche.
