Y'know, it's taken me a pretty goddamn long time to be able to say that withou lying my ass off. Generally speaking, even before things have gotten to the un-okay point, I'll have seen it coming and already have developed insomnia, ulcers, and a million other stress-related problems ... you know, if you're gonna do something, don't do it half-assed, right? When I freak out, I really freak out.

But. I don't really know when this happened, but I am aware that ... well, I can get depressed. I don't seem to do worry so well anymore, tho.

Ah, it's occurred to me why that is. It isn't that I'm incapable of worrying anymore, but rather that ... okay, ever seen any of the Star Trek series? Sure you have. Well, ya know how, when the ship's being attacked or somethin, they'll go to red alert, and suddenly everyone's flying around all energetically, in "battle mode" or whatever? Well, suppose that the ship went to red alert -- and then stayed in red alert for about a year. Kinda imagine all those people who were initially rushing around would be a little less energetic about the red alert, right?

I think that may be the gist of what my deal is. Yeah, I suppose I could be worried about stuff -- school, finances, my job, whatever. But then, I can't really recall a time in like ... more than two years, where there wasn't plenty of stuff that could and probably would go wrong. And really, even if you're hanging from a cliff by your fingertips, that adrenaline rush is only gonna last so long.

"Meh. Okay, so I'm dangling from a cliff. Could be worse. Could've fallen to my death already."

Dunno if we can accurately call that looking on the bright side of things. But I think that's where I'm at, pretty much.

Oh, if I haven't mentioned it yet, on the chemical dependency front, turns out the greatest streak of "failures" these guys get is with the "straight potheads." From the horse's mouth, yep. Reason? Really, unlike pretty much every other drug, when you tally up all the good on one side and the bad on the other? Pot doesn't end up looking so bad. Pretty much it'll just come down to whether you want to smoke it or not. Exciting, hm?

Somewhat related, not having smoked anything at all since this weekend, I noticed when I woke up this morning that I was breathing more easily than normal. So I guess mebbe not chainsmoking might also be a good thing.