From a combination of wanting to think about stuff relating to CG and not looking forward to going to work last night, I decided to go and have some drinks in my last few hours before my shift started. Yeah, you can pretty much predict the rest of the story from there.

"A few drinks" somehow became absolutely, fantastically wasted. Rounding out the of the parking lot of the place in a rush to try and get to work, I scraped my car against a pole, so now there's a nice deep indentation on the back passenger's side door.

I arrived at work 20 minutes late, and as I've a history of lateness there the boss tells me I should just take the night off. My impression, at the time, was that I was being fired -- but of course, I was really wasted at that point, so I need to go in tonight to check. I've kinda been dreading doing so, because in retrospect I think it had to be pretty obvious that I was wasted, thus the "take the night off". Le sigh. Honestly, I almost hope I am fired, just to finally be done with the club of my discontent ... 'course, on the other hand, I'm broke as a joke, so losing my shitty-paying job really probably isn't for the best.

But wait! There's more!

Arriving home, I decided to grasp fate firmly in hand, and call up CG: To tell her that we could not longer be together, no matter how much it breaks my heart to say so. As you can imagine, she was a bit taken aback at this, since as far as she knew things were going fine...

Well, inevitably I came out with what I'd been mulling over for the day, and it was a pretty unpleasant drama-filled discussion, after which I almost immediately passed out. I woke up hours later thinking, "Holy shit, what have I done?"

Three fairly serious fuckups in one night, just because I decided to have some drinks. Though now that I think on it, the apparent problem would be that my tolerance is nowhere near what it was back when I really was a lush -- it was just "a few drinks" by the my old alcohol-abusing standards, but applied to my body as it exists today I doubt I was even walking straight by the time I got to work. Actually, I'm pretty sure I could not have been, because I don't really remember the moment at the front door or the conversation with CG with any kind of clarity.

So yeah, my bad. The only saving grace is that apparently CG doesn't hate me. In fact, I don't think we're broken up, despite my attempts along the line. I did piss her off pretty bad and hurt her feelings, tho. And at the end, I told her that I'm in love with her -- and y'know, like pretty much any modern couple, we'd been avoiding the "L" word up to this point, previously.

So I dunno. She bolted out of town to spend the night at her parents, though I'm supposed to call her back if I really have been fired and don't have to work tonight. You know the screwy thing, and this applies to both the job and the relationship -- in some ways, it's really much easier if you are just done, once you've screwed up. That way you did it, you deal with the consequences, you move on. But if you screw up and things are not over, you pretty much end up carrying the screwup with you ... you're in a situation, and your place there is defined, at least in part, by whatever screwed-up thing you did in the past...

But yah, since the GM at the club hates me, I'm sure I won't have to worry about that in that particular case. I just wish they'd just called and left a message clarifying that I don't ever need to come in again, rather than making me show up to actually talk to them. Jerks. I would serve them right if I just showed up for work tonight like nothing ever happened ... try that on for a little awkwardness, huh? But no, I'll be going in. I made my bed, blah blah blah...