Forgive me guys, I'm so stressed out from this finals stuff (and having screwed up the one already) that I may well be repeating myself here. But I had a conversation with CG where she was commenting about how she was the one initally who was talking so much about taking things slow and all that, but lately she's been wondering why she always has to call me (it's not always, by the way, but she does call more often) and why I seem so busy when she just wants to spend time with me.

The funny thing is, I didn't know that we were now not doing the "slow" thing. In a weird way, I think my attempted drunken breaking up with her last Friday, at the end of which I was declaring my undying love for her, ended up putting alot of her defenses and such at rest. Because now she admits that she's falling for me, and is afraid that she's just going to get her heart broken again. I don't really know what to say to those fears, because obviously I don't have any intention of breaking her heart. The attempted break up, in fact, was my bid to head off either one of us getting our heart broken in the long run.

But however much strife we may have already caused each other in the past few months (and we have caused some) it's really overwhelmed by how happy we make each other when we're together. Obviously, we're both gunshy enough about love to run screaming the other way at the earliest warning signs of trouble -- yet it seems we're both drawn to the calm and love we feel in one another's presence.

Nah, I'm not gonna get all mushy on ya. Manliness remains the watchword, and manly men just don't get that caught up in whatever emotions they may or may not be feeling. Nah, we'd much rather go work on cars, or maybe just break things.

It was funny, tho -- for random reasons, I'd ended up not calling her Monday (or Tuesday for that matter) after having some really great sex Sunday night. (I know -- bad, bad lover.) So apparently, when she's talking to her younger brother, asking why in the world I would not call, he asks her, "Well, are you guys official or anything?" She tells him, "No." And he says, "Well, he doesn't owe you shit, then."

Ah, it would appear that being unofficial has its advantages. Heh.

But really, part of why I'm really starting to dig this girl is that I realize it's not as if I've at all been on my best behavior since she's been around -- not that I haven't tried, mind you, but I guess I'm just really out of practice at appearing anything besides the passing strange individual that I really am. Likewise, I don't think she's been very vigilant in trying to hide the particular ways she's kind of screwed up from me. And somehow -- we're still crazy for each other. Our own unique craziness considered and all. So it's all very good.

And you know -- I think little things like making coffee are just small ways that show that you care about someone. That is, the fact that it isn't a big deal is what makes it a big deal ... if you see what I mean.

Anyway, Happy Thursday, D-land! You may not know it, but it's International Hug a Brit day -- so if you're British and reading this, be sure to go get yourself some loving today.