Am I aiming to be one? Well, seeing as I won't have time to get back into the gym for at least several more months -- sure. Hey, it's easy to aim high when you have absolutely no intention of climbing.

Last night my one friend did finally give me the phone number of the girl that her friend had wanted to hook me up with, from a couple weeks ago. You know, the one complicated by the fact that I thought the girl doing the hooking up was absolutely smoking?

The truth is, even if this mystery girl is just as gorgeous and even just as cool, I'm kinda not chomping at the bit to get into the whole romantic-chase thing. All my life I've heard, from women, that men just love the chase ... it's more about the chase, and the conquest, than anything else. And all I can say about that is, apparently I am not so much like other men. This information comes as news to who exactly?

The truth is, there's been very few women that I have pursued simply because I wanted to -- that is, me as simply me was into trying to get her, just as her. By contrast, the majority of the time that I've done the chasing I've really rather felt like I'm playing a role -- I know what a goodlooking, sexy, smart man is supposed to act like, so I'll act like that -- you know, if it will get me laid. The problem with this, inevitably, is that who I've acted like is not really me. And in time, I'll get tired of acting and just be me.

So I'm rather avoiding the whole thing right this moment. Sure, I suppose hooking up with a fetching young lass would have its up sides. But honestly, acting like I'm some cutout from a romance novel is a helluva down side.

Along these same lines, I've this friend who has been voicing what I get from a lot of people, and what I have gotten plenty of in the past -- I remember bitching about it some when I worked at the club of my discontent, in fact. The beef is this: I've worked long and hard to become who I am, and the fact is that the incredibly kind and nice individual you see today did not come without great effort. Hell, it doesn't come without effort now.

So it's kind of irritating to have people view it as some kind of accident of the world -- a half-unfortunate accident, at that. For some reason, we live in a society that values people being assholes. I mean, I live in a big city. You're supposed to be a glowering asshole in a city.

I just don't find that to be terribly fun. Being rude or mean is what's easy -- being truly kind takes effort. We all have reasons to be pissed off. Each and every one of us tends to feel like life has given us the shitty end of the stick. In a world where a good many people literally are starving, or are literally dirt poor, we all want to bitch about our jobs, or our families, or about our relationships (or lack thereof) or whatever. Honestly, I consider it obnoxious and ungrateful, and I've simply never wanted to be that sort of person.

When someone is a dick to me just because they can be, I don't tend to think highly of that person. In fact, I think in a just world that those who are assholes just because they can be should be skewered with hot pokers. Being kind when there's something in it for you is not impressive. Be cool just because you can be -- because you've been blessed not to be born during the abject suffering and toil that is most of human history, and if you're reading this now you're certainly amongst the lucky who were born in today's era.

In other words, the universe has been good to you, so you have no call for anything other than being as good as you can in return.

Besides, because I have played different roles in my life, I will tell you this much, and you can believe me or don't: I don't have a choice about being attractive. I mean, I could purposefully mutilate myself, but short of that my genetics just happened to make me look like what is generally considered "handsome". I also don't really seem to have the choice to seem dumb. Somehow people just seem to peg me for bright right out of the gate. And something I've learned -- lots of people are quite intimidated by a goodlooking, smart person who's also highly aggressive. I mean, people will generally go along with you if you have all of these traits, and you may even be highly desired and envied -- what you won't be is liked. Because nobody likes someone who seems to have everything. In fact, in my experience, people will conspire to take you down a notch or two, if you seem just a little too blessed.

So I'm reserved and unassuming and kind because I think I ought to be anyway, and because I don't see how it would even serve me to be otherwise. Who needs people deciding to dislike them purely out of jealousy? Life may be good, but it's just not that easy.