Now, most of us would quickly like to jump on the wagon of calling anyone who says "yes" to that question "shallow", but really cliched criticisms are not my point here. Mebbe it is, mebbe it isn't -- more than likely, summing up an individual's motivations in consideration of only such simple terms would be -- well, simplifying, natch. And that's what we want.

So here's tha thing -- have you been the person that someone was hanging out with, when their most major motivation was to shag you silly? Now again, I'd like to distinguish this from someone you've just met, or barely know -- we might all like to think ourselves so interesting as for that quality to overwhelm right at the start, but sometimes it just might not. Especially if you're looking particularly fine that day.

But no, we're talking someone you've spent some appreciable amount of time with, had plenty of conversation with, and indulged in a varity of activities with. Have you ever had someone like that who you've realized just really, really wanted to get into your pants?

Now I'm going to point out somethig, here. Because I do think that, should we take the words at actual definition, there is still a difference between someone who just wants to fuck you, and only wants to fuck you. Or in the least, I'm making this distinction for the purpose of this discussion.

Now, the person who just wants to fuck you does, in the end, have that as their only real motivator. However, this individual is willing to do just about anything else just so they can screw you. Conversations, walks, drinks, dinners, movies, whatever ... realistically, if this person could do it without putting stigma on you or them, they'd probably be willing to just pay you to fuck them. Hell, they might be willing to pay, either way.

I distinguish this from those who only want to fuck you because those who want only that aren't really willing to put in much effort to do much of anything else. They'd happily get naked and sweaty with you, but they could hardly feign interest in what you're saying for five minutes without their eyes glazing over.

I think it's important to distinguish between these two, because while in the end what they want from you would make them seem the same -- honestly, I don't think it can be disregarded that one of these people might be willing to literally give up a limb if it would help them bed you. It's funny, because you'd think the person suffering under this kind of desire would, amongst all the other things they're willing to do, actually bother liking you, as a part of their mad scheme.

And you see, this becomes the ironic part -- the one who only wants to fuck you clearly has very little regard or respect for you at all, it would probably please them just as well if you weren't an actual person, but maybe one of those Star Trek holodeck things, that would just disappear as soon as they got their rocks off. Now, that is insulting, but only in a general way -- the insult comes in the insinuation that there is nothing else about you that they should bother being interested in, but that sting can be lightened somewhat when you consider that it's irrelevant to this person whether there are other great things about you are not -- this one would be someone who just wants to fuck and the only aspect of you that ever penetrates their consciousness is that you'll serve for that purpose.

So in short, with this type the problem is with how they look, and not with what they see.

On the other hand -- say, for instance, there's actually someone who'd be willing to marry you, and spend the rest of their life with you, and the entire time do all their best to keep you happy ... yet in truth, the entire time is that do so not for any actual love or appreciation of anything about your person, but just about loving to sex you.

Now, don't get me wrong -- having someone who is addicted to your sex like it's heroin can really be quite flattering. I guess it's a matter of what you're looking for, really.

But for my money, the one who just wants to fuck you, yet is willing to do anything to do so -- while in one sense this person would typically seem to have much more respect and consideration and such for you -- at least, they certainly would portray such things -- from a certain viewpoint, this sort of "affection" is much more insulting.

Because not only does this individual make it clear that they are capable of understanding that there's other ways of appreciating people, but they actually go through all the motions of acting as if they appreciate you -- admiring and creatively criticizing your artwork,, having respect and admiration for your social and political views, enjoying your sense of humor and on and on -- but...

Apparently, you're just such a dull person that actually getting to know you that well nonetheless leaves them unmoved to anything besides lust.

So okay, my lovin is like heroin. But c'mon -- I'm a frickin genius, too! For real! Okay, at least I'm not dumb...

So it's weird, because this person's obsessive need for and appreciation of one aspect of you effectively blinds them to other parts of you. And so while the sentiment of desire is certainly stronger and more personalized that the one who only wants your sex, so happens to be the resulting insult from being disinterested in the rest of you.

The one person never cares enough to see that you might be some amazing person, the person of their dreams. The other person cares enough to learn more than almost anyone else ever would -- but finds that really, only one aspect of you is all that appealing.

Well, ouch. C'mon, I know a few good jokes...

But as I think I said at the start -- it's not like I've only been on one side of this scenario. I think that sometimes, if your lust is strong enough, it can make you think you're finding something interesting when you're not...

(A little sidenote that reminds me of: I was recently listening to an artist who I was once completely absorbed with, I mean for like years -- there's a few others I've been so into, and at different periods I'll sort of revisit those musical digs, even though every note and such tends to be etched into my mind now. Well anyay, this was the last album this artist has had out, and I recall thinking even at the time that her style and content had changed significantly over the course of her career ... well, I was listening to this tape the other day, and just had to start laughing at myself -- because my god, this music was just bloody awful.! I mean, it was bad. I guess my love of the artist at the time blinded me to the compartive soullessness of one of her releases...)

So the point is, much the way I just laughed and switched to music I actually enjoyed when I realized I couldn't really groove to that anymore -- it's perfectly acceptable, and even quite complimentary, to be so overwhelmed with lust for someone that shagging them should become the sheer focus of your attention and activities. I mean, so as that's an actual lust for you and not just for someone, I think that's still quite a positive.

Only, if you're busy being so overwhelmed with desire for someone's sex that it takes you a while to realize you don't like anything else about them -- well, have respect enough for the value of that person and of yourself to not waste both of your time that way.

Because there's probably someone out ther you can be that overwhelmed with lust for, and find quite interesting and amusing to talk to.

And this person that is apparently so dull to you -- there's probably someone out there who will agree with you on hot unbelievably hot they are -- and actually find their personality quite intriguing.

For you see, while I honestly can appreciate someone who finds me so fantastically mouthwatering that they can't even think straight, I've also greatly appreciated those who are just hella-impressed at my big brain.

So naturally, the best-case scenario to my mind would be someone who actually feels both of those. I'm not just a hottie, I'm also a hottie who just happens to be goddam brilliant, goddammit!