I haven't because I've been waiting for my phone to ring a million times with calls from a particular someone -- the same someone my phone rings a million times from every weekend, regardless of whatever else is going on. Strangely silent this weekend.

In short, LBF is nowhere near as poor as I am, and in fact I'll be honest here -- in response to the single generic, "I'm sorry, let me know how I can help" message she did leave the day after I was stopped, I actually did write her an email where I pointed out exactly what the worse case consequences of this could be. That is, I explained that if I lose my license (even for only a few months) I can't do my job, so lose that. I pointed out that the job equates metaphorically to holding on by my fingertips, and I don't have a safety net. I told her, she could help by paying whatever she could of the thousands of dollars this one night is going to cost me. Proud though I am, I have had to accept help twice in the last few years from family and "close as family" -- I've never had to ask, and never such a huge amount. Oh, she was not one of those who helped before.

And why should she now? Well, leaving aside the whole part about being able to and being a friend, there's the little fact that we were *on our way to her place* when I got hit. I went out that night by myself. When it was suggested that I come to them, I politely declined. She took a taxi over 30 minutes to get where I was, rather than drive. Now, I'll grant -- I got really drunk in a really short time, and that was my plan. Somehow, after making it safely home, which was also in my plans, I decide an hour after bar close that it's a good idea to drive the 20-25 minutes on the interstate on a major holiday to her place.

It would be less damning if I knew her less well. She had been out with others since 3 in the afternoon, thus the wise precaution of a cab to get to me. I seem to recall her drinking a decent pace when she got to me, but this is where knowing her well comes in. While she can play with "tipsy" for a reasonable amount of time thes days, "drunk" for her is a very short time period before "passed out". So in short, if she'd come to the bar and matched me by closing time, she would have been unconscious not long after.

We were chatting in the car when I was pulled over, that I recall clearly. In other words, I was trashed and she was not nearly so much, and she let me/encouraged me to get on the road to take her to her place anyway. In fact "let" isn't really much of a possibility, because in all the many times she's slept on my couch after coming to my neighborhood before, I've never once spontaneously decided that a drunken 20 minute drive on the interstate was a good idea. Let alone on a holiday night after bar close.

So I'm ranting now, I know. It's just that -- you know, the legal and life ramifications of this are all mine. She just got an unusual ride home. Even if we were 50/50 in on a drunken decision to get to her place, I still wouldn't say that I should pay 100% the harsh penalty for it because I was the idiot with the keys. Especially not considering that that was really predictable -- driving her home while she was passed out a few weeks ago from the hot new lesbian bar in town, I'd reflected to myself that half of what she liked about me was that I'd drive, and that it was dumb of me. I was even drunk when I thought that.

I dunno, I can't get more coherent than I am. My whole point here is, I can't believe she's not going to help. Even if she really really would rather not, the fact is that she does not have a lot of friends, and none who've put up with as much of her bullshit as I have. And there's no way I'm going to continue to do that if the penalties for doing so are going to be this high.

It would have been nice if I'd made such a colossal error for an actual friend. It's funny, the older I get the dumber I seem to get.