Anyhow, I'm adjusting to things. The funny thing is, tonight I spoke with my mom for a couple of hours and one of my older sisters for just a bit, and I was actually struck by how not-fazed they were about the DWI. I mean, my mom did of course go immediately into lecture mode, not so much about what's happened but about being careful going forward ... but pretty much, once she realized I was taking it seriously, that was it. My sister was pretty well fine with it.

It's funny to me, how really everyday this sort of thing is. I mean, obviously I knew that people get DWIs all the time, before I got mine. I dunno. I guess it's just a big deal to me. I've never been on the wrong side of the law before. And it's definitely screwing up my life, not just for now but more than likely for a while to come.

Oh, slight sidetrack -- I don't think I'd mentioned, my apartment got flooded a little over a week ago. A pipe burst two apartments up, so I've been living in a half-demolished place for the last week and a half, and I've spent this weekend moving my stuff into the empty place next door, so they can do the repairs here. Pain in the ass, particularly now I'm gonna try to get the manager to let me sign a lease -- there's no way I trust them to not up my rent, as the repairs will essentially be a renovation. I'm just hoping they let me sign one. Like I say, pain in the ass.

Anyway, I finally answered when LBF called me last night around 4am. Hell, I was up. And she'd called five times the night before ... frankly though, after two weeks of silence, I figured if she had anything redeeming to say she could damn well leave a message. Well, turns out yesterday was her birthday. I'm supposing if I hadn't been pissed at her for over two weeks, I might have remembered that. So at 4am on the night of her birthday, she's being all weepy and drunken and trying to solve the situation ... she tells me that she hadn't called because she'd figured I was done with her. Well, frickin psychic, because even as I was getting a ride home from the police station, that's exactly what I was saying.

Now tell me, how exactly screwed up is it, that I should end up feeling sorry for her? Okay, fine, she didn't get me arrested on purpose, I know that. Nonetheless, she had sense enough to know she should not drive that night. How much regard could she have for me, if she asks me to? She has lost most of her friends in recent years, I already know that. If I go, that leaves her with pretty much one couple, I know that, too. And they're having a baby soon, so more or less she'll be on her own.

So I guess I end up feeling sorry for her, because I do think she needs me more than I need her. Honestly, right now I feel like I need her like I need to have another broken bone.

Thing is, I'm guessing it's about time I stopped being a barfly. I mean, I'm nowhere near the man about town (or neighborhood) that I used to be these days, anyway. That's part of what's so galling about getting a DWI now -- my real drinking days were already behind me. Now I just don't want to drink anymore, at all. Rather than seeming like a fun, social thing to do, it rather seems like a dangerous state wherein I can't trust myself, and I sure as hell don't trust any of the people around me.

And I'm a comics/gaming geek at heart anyway. So it looks like social isolation from the outside. It always did when I was younger, but if we live our lives worried about how things appear, there will be precious little we'll ever feel it's okay to do, anyway.

I don't know, I suppose I'm feeling rather confused, in a social sense. I don't have anything against people in general, in fact there are quite a few people I like. There have been many toxic people in my life, however ... and really, if people are abandoning LBF like rats off a sinking ship, isn't there probably good reason for it?